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What is this relationship??

kkappa

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Dear everyone,

I was looking forward to a more grounded and simple year, but it seems to have started off way bigger than I want it to.

Some months ago I broke up with a lovely (older) man, with whom it won't be fully resolved until later this year (gen.analysis gave 60.3.4.6>1) and to be honest, it is not a relation I fully understand still.

Right after breaking up (my choice), a much younger man than me started pursuing me again (as if on cue?!). It was such bad timing that I cut him off. Last week I apologised for my behavior (Yi approved), knowing that if I had had the energy to tell him to back off in a nice way (it's not that I don't like him, he is just very intense, and he's dealing with his own ideas of wanting to offer women emotional help.. when in reality it is not welcome), I would've done that.

But it seems that he is way more enthusiastic right now. I want simplicity for now and I certainly don't want a relationship with someone who lives in another country (have had plenty of those as is) and much younger (and thus inexperienced) than me. Prejudice? Maybe. Anyway, as I have cautiosly replied to his enthusiastic email, he replied quite fast and finished with "I've missed you". Jesus, back off, we've only ever met twice... and nothing romantic has ever taken place.

I cast a reading and this is what I got for us to shed some light as to what is going on. I would highly appreciate some objective eyes on this from a wholesome perspective.

General analysis of the relationship between X and I? 18.1.3>41
His position? 39.3.4.5>16
My position? 3 unchanging
Long term potential? 26.6>11
What relationship is he looking for with me? 27.4>21
What attitude to take towards him? 48.5>46
Will this be a romantic union? 3.3.5>36
Why do I feel so opressed by him? 3.2.3.6>9

In one of the questions I asked, it suggested asking for help. I instantly thought of this forum, so here I am. I really don't know whether I am being plagued by being so soon out of a breakup or just torn about Yi telling me that I should go for this. What the heck - how can I feel so torn about something that I am seemingly supposed to follow?

Your thoughts - oh they will be so appreciated!

K
 
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jbutler

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considering all your questions (which sound like you are obsessed as well). Obsession is a red flag. It is overwhelming to answer so many of your question, but maybe deep down inside you like him as well to answer your last question, but are following social mores and rules rather than just allowing your heart and head to move you close, to chose, to love. I daresay that is why you broke it off with the older guy--because you are more interested in not being embarrassed??? than just loving him. If you two got along swell, then go with it. Why trade and go back into a learning curve with someone new? Your spiritual growth in astronomically enhanced by staying in relationships rather than moving into new ones.

Good luck to you.
 

Trojina

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But it seems that he is way more enthusiastic right now. I want simplicity for now and I certainly don't want a relationship with someone who lives in another country (have had plenty of those as is) and much younger (and thus inexperienced) than me. Prejudice? Maybe. Anyway, as I have cautiosly replied to his enthusiastic email, he replied quite fast and finished with "I've missed you". Jesus, back off, we've only ever met twice... and nothing romantic has ever taken place.

I cast a reading and this is what I got for us to shed some light as to what is going on. I would highly appreciate some objective eyes on this from a wholesome perspective.

General analysis of the relationship between X and I? 18.1.3>41
His position? 39.3.4.5>16
My position? 3 unchanging
Long term potential? 26.6>11
What relationship is he looking for with me? 27.4>21
What attitude to take towards him? 48.5>46
Will this be a romantic union? 3.3.5>36
Why do I feel so opressed by him? 3.2.3.6>9

Thats alot of intense questions to ask about someone you aren't interested in and only met twice ;)


It looks so simple to me that you didn't even need to consult Yi did you. You aren't interested so whats to know ? Thats your answer isn't it ?

The 3>9 "why do i feel so oppressed by him ?" says it all......er because you don't want him and so feel he's pestering you.. 3.2 states clearly this isn't a time to accept proposals....and 3.6 its over before it even starts

What's interesting is you have pretty much discounted your own feelings.....since you are asking "will this be a romantic union ?" as if your own feelings count for nothing, almost as if you have no choice but to be involved.


ETA apologies for brusqueness but your post is giving a very mixed message......as in you aren't interested in him but want to know the long term potential of the relationship. I think you are jumping too far ahead with such questions since you currently aren't even interested. ....being uninterested what would you expect the long term potential to be ? hence you get answers that I think pretty much over shoot the question like 26.6.
 
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kkappa

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considering all your questions (which sound like you are obsessed as well). Obsession is a red flag. It is overwhelming to answer so many of your question, but maybe deep down inside you like him as well to answer your last question, but are following social mores and rules rather than just allowing your heart and head to move you close, to chose, to love. I daresay that is why you broke it off with the older guy--because you are more interested in not being embarrassed??? than just loving him. If you two got along swell, then go with it. Why trade and go back into a learning curve with someone new? Your spiritual growth in astronomically enhanced by staying in relationships rather than moving into new ones.

Good luck to you.

The older guy, oh hell no... it was never something I wanted to break off. While I admit I had to take care of some of my own unresolved business, it was also a matter of "I don't know whether I want a relationship with you" from his end. Well, like attracts like so... enough said. I left the door open for the older guy and there are no hard feelings between us.

Hehe, I had to laugh when you said that I seem obsessed. I can see now why it would look like this. All I can say is that because I'm going through a lot of big changes lately (and I mean BIG) I am yet to learn to trust what I feel or whether it's my ego talking - hence the insane amount of questions.

My concern regarding the young guy has been more along the lines of "well if the last one didn't work out I want to understand what I am up against this time in order to not **** up". And we have been emailing all year, though yeah, just met twice. It's just crazy timing, all of this. Hence why I want simplicity :)

K, the obsessed one :)
 

kkappa

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Thats alot of intense questions to ask about someone you aren't interested in and only met twice ;)


It looks so simple to me that you didn't even need to consult Yi did you. You aren't interested so whats to know ? Thats your answer isn't it ?

The 3>9 "why do i feel so oppressed by him ?" says it all......er because you don't want him and so feel he's pestering you.. 3.2 states clearly this isn't a time to accept proposals....and 3.6 its over before it even starts

What's interesting is you have pretty much discounted your own feelings.....since you are asking "will this be a romantic union ?" as if your own feelings count for nothing, almost as if you have no choice but to be involved.


ETA apologies for brusqueness but your post is giving a very mixed message......as in you aren't interested in him but want to know the long term potential of the relationship. I think you are jumping too far ahead with such questions since you currently aren't even interested. ....being uninterested what would you expect the long term potential to be ? hence you get answers that I think pretty much over shoot the question like 26.6.

Absolutely no need to apologize, I didn't come here to avoid getting the truth thrown into my face ;) So thank you, I appreciate your honesty! Though yes, I knew the truth already and what I really feel, I'm simply learning to trust my own insticts again when it comes to anything related to the opposite sex. If I really wanted to go down the wishful thinking trail, I could think that 3.2 is talking about the return of the older guy, but seriously - I just want to keep my clarity right now, and knowing that I am not going against some higher purpose by keeping the young guy strictly at a friend level. I realise that this still sounds crazy. Let's just say that there is more to this than just these two men, in fact it's more to do with what these two have probably come to teach me (the nature of love, duh). :)
 

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