What Should I Change to Heal my Depression? 9.1.2> 53

[marybluesky]

I've been depressed since last year, after losing my main support systems due to Covid-related restrictions & other things. I started taking antidepressants in February.
This year I've felt significantly better, but am still depressed: I'm not the dynamic, confident, content person I used to be before. The depression waves come & go. I'm afraid it worsens and leaves me in a miserable condition like last winter when I had lost all hope & joy.

I asked: "What should I change to heal my depression" & got 9.1.2>53.

Both lines indicate returning to my path, however I don't find anyway to help myself, or better to say, anything I can do now: I lost my mental strength after losing balance in my life. This year, after feeling better, I tried to fix several areas in my life, again "in vain", like last year.

By the way, I had received the same answer about my morale during the first months of Covid isolation, and despite the "good fortune" indicated in both lines the next months were pure catastrophe.

 

[rosada]

I thought of this song lyric when I read the I Ching's answer 9.1.2 . 53.

When you walk through a storm hold your head up high and don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of the storm is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind.
Walk on through the rain.
Though your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart.
And you'll never walk alone.
You'll never walk alone.
- Oscar Hammerstein

 

[Hypnotist Collector]

I mostly want to reply in solidarity and let you know that you're not alone. This has been a very difficult 19 months and I too am struggling. 19.1.2 is interesting in that it's both returning to something on your own and also returning by being "dragged back" by some outside force. 53 to me indicates a very methodical process. Were there any routines or helpful strategies — meditation, walking, art — that were helpful last year and that you can reinstate? Even if they feel laborious and useless at first, the routine itself may help. Sending you good thoughts.

 

[redoleander]

9.1 Go your own way for now, get to know yourself better, don’t rush to grab onto things
9.2 So that when things, people, and passions arise that genuinely call you out of your shell, you recognize them and choose them
53: Slow and steady you will find yourself in a different life

 

[dfreed]

What should I change to heal my depression - 9.1.2>53.

Hex. 9's text is: "Dark clouds but no rain (yet) from our western environs." Speaking as an oracle, this feels positive to me: it suggests that you are on the right path, but just haven't quite gotten there yet - just as the rain hasn't yet reached the famers' fields, even though they can see clouds gathering in the distance.

The change here is all in 9's lower trigram (three line figure), where Heaven (focus, the creative) changes to Mountain.

This suggests that you are on the correct path to stopping the process of depression (stopping or stilling being a quality of mountain). Normally I'd say it could also suggest a sitting mediation practice, but with depression that can be tricky, as sitting quietly with yourself can often feel anything but peaceful and quieting! But if you are meditatively or spiritually inclined, maybe you can explore prayer, mantra or Buddhist metta (loving kindness) mediation?

As you noted, both lines are about returning: 'returning by a road' and 'returning by a leash'. In one way, these both suggest 'returning' to your more healthy, happy self. And it also suggests that there are - and you should consider - different ways of doing this:

'Returning on a leash' (9.2) could be about continuing to take anti-depressants (perhaps something you don't like and which makes you feel tied up, or leashed?). 'Returning by the road' (9.1) is perhaps suggesting exercises, even just walking (or other types of gentle movement) as a means of getting you out and about.

(Once when I was battling depression, which affected my sleep, one thing I could do was take long, late-night walks - which at least got my blood flowing and offered an alternative to lying in bed and feeling downer and downer.)

The upper trigram of 9 is Wind, which is about exploring options and possibilities, and it is about taking a gentle, long-term approach (and outlook). This can be hard to do when you're depressed. But maybe it's suggesting that you explore other 'options', such as 'talk' therapy or maybe seeing if your meds need to be adjusted.

I hope that's of some use for you. D

 

[becalm]

I think both lines are encouraging to go back to the start and look at when your depression started and why.

 

[marybluesky]

I think both lines are encouraging to go back to the start and look at when your depression started and why.

I know the reasons but can't restore what I've lost, as explained in a few threads.

 

[diamant]

What should I change to heal my depression 9.1.2 > 53
Make sure you know exactly what you want and like (9.1).
Draw a man straight into what you like (9.2). *
Build a relationship step by step, according to standard conventions.

* In my country of origin, there's a saying that 'a single hair from a woman's (ahem) can pull a whole ship'. This line somehow reminds me of that saying.

 

[Trojina]

I asked: "What should I change to heal my depression" & got 9.1.2>53.

First thing to note, as was noted by Hypnotist is how sloooow this cast is. I mean in 9 there's clouds no rain and the farmer just has to get on with smaller every day tasks, nurture things day by day. I also think it's a housewifeish hexagram, days taken up with small useful acts that keep the wheels of life turning. Then there's 53, procedure, things unfolding according to a set pace that can't be rushed. This is a very gentle answer not demanding a huge amount from you.

Line 1
'Returning to your own path,
How could you be wrong?
Good fortune.'

Line 2
'Drawn back, returning.
Good fortune.'

I wrote in wiki for line 2

To me this might look like ordinary everyday things drawing you back into life, back into caring, back into activity. You might see no point in going on at all but the dog needs walking and dishes need washing. These cares can save you, return you to your path despite yourself. I think this being drawn back has very much a feel of 'despite yourself'.

There's reluctance here that's why you are 'drawn back like an animal on a rope'

People in grief are literally saved from madness sometimes by the 9ish things of life. It's a fairly common thought following bereavement 'how can the world just carry on like nothing happened?' but it does and hexagram 9 is all those daily necessary activities that force a person to keep going and then they might notice they do feel a little better having walked the dog and done the dishes even though the inner pain is still there.

My first thought was that your depression had the function of drawing you back in to fairly safe usual daily routines. This doesn't look like an answer saying 'you gotta go out and conquer the world now'. Why that is, why Yi has answered you this way I cannot say as I am not you. If you dwell on the words of Yi in those lines how does it make you feel ? I find them quite relaxing and reassuring. For one thing they tell you aren't making any big errors, you're doing okay, your life has not gone wildly off track, you're okay to keep on keeping on.

Yang pattern 19, yin pattern 33. It seems you do need some withdrawal time and definitely less pressure on yourself. Watch your inner dialogue with yourself and ask yourself if you'd say those things to your friends as you'd say to yourself. Also can you get any counselling ? Apparently there's good counselling online if there's no one near you.


The I Ching isn't enough to solve all issues especially psychological ones and I do recall you have come from a pretty troubled family background. Sorry if I got that wrong I just recall you said your mother was ill, highly demanding of attention and not in favour of you leaving home. That is enough to trigger depression in you.

I'm not the dynamic, confident, content person I used to be before.

Are you sure it was that good before?


In short though this is an answer that encourages gentle progress, no big demands. I think you will naturally find your own way back into mental health this way but it's a gradual thing, not dramatic or sudden. Notice and question all those little thoughts of self evaluation and comparison that you have and rewrite them. I think one factor in depression can be where a person ascribes every negative event as down to them.


For example if someone throws a party and it rains a depressed person might feel some responsibility for the rain spoiling things whereas a non depressed person isn't primed to see every less than happy occurrence as an indication that they failed.

 

[rosada]

The Image for hexagram 9 might be seen as "Accentuate the positive."

 

[becalm]

I know the reasons but can't restore what I've lost, as explained in a few threads.

I think the keyword here is Lost.
Depression is usually relative to the past (and anxiety, the future).
You're right you can't restore something you've lost but hanging onto the loss, subconsciously or otherwise, is not going to allow you to create a happy place in you heart and mind.
Believe me Mary, I'm speaking from experience. Many of your threads remind me of what I've experienced in my life.

 

[marybluesky]

Becalm, in the post #6 you've suggested looking back & see why my depression started.

I never said I wished to have what I had then. Example: lost friendships. Despite my less than fulfilling social life, I don't want to resume them. Never ever.

 

[becalm]

Becalm, in the post #6 you've suggested looking back & see why my depression started.

I never said I wished to have what I had then. Example: lost friendships. Despite my less than fulfilling social life, I don't want to resume them. Never ever.

It's still a loss though. What you once had. I don't want to go back to my exhusband but sometimes I can still feel down about the loss of what we once had.
It's about finding the source of the depression not looking for something to mask the symptoms.
There's no Judgement from me but having had many years of depression myself I know how debilitating it can be on your life.
If what I suggest doesn't resonate with you, no problem, I just wish peace and clarity for you.

 

[Trojina]

It's not always easy to find the source of depression in fact one may never find it. For some it can be a hereditary or biological thing or something with roots unknown. Meantime in severe cases antidepressants save lives and have a place. Never any cause to feel shame about using them. I don't think antidepressants only mask symptoms they can give a person a breather, a break from the pain whereas in years gone by they may have been completely crushed by it.

Ideally a person should be having counselling or therapy at the same time though.

 

[becalm]

It's not always easy to find the source of depression in fact one may never find it. For some it can be a hereditary or biological thing or something with roots unknown. Meantime in severe cases antidepressants save lives and have a place. Never any cause to feel shame about using them. I don't think antidepressants only mask symptoms they can give a person a breather, a break from the pain whereas in years gone by they may have been completely crushed by it.

Ideally a person should be having counselling or therapy at the same time though.

That's true and absolutely no shame of course!! So many times I've thought ' just give me that breather'
It sounds to me like Mary may have a known reason for hers but only she knows and is in control of how she manages it.
Having lived a life of unknown mental health issues myself I wish I could just make it better for her

 

[marybluesky]

I've already explained the reasons for my depression in these posts:

link 1
link 2
link 3
link 4
link 5

 

[Matali]

Mary you have to reconnect with your soul

53 is a great omen for your future, and as you know, Yi never laments !

 

[marybluesky]

Mary you have to reconnect with your soul

Tu peux me dire commet?
(Can you say how?)

 

[Matali]

Grande question

What relaxes you ? What makes you feel good ? Writing, dancing ? There are several methods of relaxation, for some meditation is very useful, accessible every day and whenever you want... You just have to relax and breathe, let go the mind...

You read and write, these are very transformative expressions... Lâcher prise et se tourner vers de nouvelles perspectives

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

Dropping in to offer that I too received hexagrams 9, with various changing lines, over and over last year during the pandemic. I also lost so much it felt like everything, it wasn't just covid, it was multiple losses and life changes that I could not begin to process, or run away from. I also felt that a return to myself could not be achieved.

This feeling still sits with me and I am coming to terms with the fact nothing is the same. I am different entirely than before last year, hardly the same person. I can still reach back for those old feelings of confidence and dynamism that were so hard won but the reality is this year didn't just trigger old trauma and give us new trauma. It really shifted something deep.

I can't remember where I read it but a message that has stuck with me through these last few years is to "save the seeds for later." It gives me comfort.

There are dreams and ambitions it is not time to plant yet, the rain is still gathering, the land is being prepared and change is still happening. It is okay to survive, and to come out of survival mode slowly.

When such shocks happen, one loses self assurance. And this hurts but it is not wrong or a failing.

 

[GreenHazel]

Hi Mary, I think what you are experiencing is part of a huge shift in consciousness and awareness that we are all going through. Things just do not make sense as they used to anymore. And perhaps this is good. We have to find a new meaning, we have to raise to a new energy. It's a very hard process.

I have cast Hex 9 twice in the past few weeks (9.1.5 > 18, 9.2 > 37) for similar questions. This past 18 months have almost broken me physically, some days I'm in such pain that depression just sucks me in.

This is what helped me the most:

* Lise's interpretation of Hex 9:
"This hexagram is complementary to hex.16. In 16 you use your inspiration and motivation, in hex.9 you work diligently on what your project needs. Don't neglect the other side when you concentrate on one of the two, they need each other. Motivation without hard work goes nowhere, hard work without inspiration takes the color out of what you do."

I wouldn't be able to humbly and methodically follow Hex 9 Small Steps approach without a goal in mind.
This gives me the motivation to keep on keeping on as Trojina says. Or, as Diamant puts it: know exactly what you want. Even if it is simply "To feel joyful again". Work on it as an athlete would work in preparing for a marathon. Humbly, methodically, feeling the pain. But with your heart over the obstacle. Know that you will get there. WE will get there.

As much as it can be really scary, and terrible to experience, I'm seeing depression as a threashold to something better that we can experience individually and collectively. The world in this state truly sucks. There's so much cruelty, unfairness, disregard for people's and animals' lives, greed and desperation ... how on earth can we be energetic and happy? Turning my individual unhappiness into the price I'm paying to learn how to be a better human on the collective level, this truly helps.

Wishing you a world of happiness, and more.

 

[marybluesky]

I have never been a goal-oriented person. The point of life for me is the "juice" of everyday. If I've reached a few goals, that's because I've enjoyed the process. That has been my motivation to continue. Otherwise, I don't see any final destination to work for, nor a future.

how on earth can we be energetic and happy? Turning my individual unhappiness into the price I'm paying to learn how to be a better human on the collective level, this truly helps.

I think the world has always been the same if not worse. So we shouldn't be happy ever? Does my unhappiness help? Even if it did, I wouldn't sacrifice myself for others. I have the right to be lively and powerful.

 

[GreenHazel]

The point of life for me is the "juice" of everyday.

Absolutely. Life is the journey as they say, not the destination. But a journey still has an ideal destination, even if it's an internal place. How can we take "small steps" if we don't even know the direction?
"hard work without inspiration takes the color out of what you do." This has been of confort for me, as an aknowledgement that we can't expect to work hard all the time without having some inspiration. If the inspiration comes just from the will to feel better, and be happier you have ever been, so be it.

I think the world has always been the same if not worse. So we shouldn't be happy ever? Does my unhappiness help? Even if it did, I wouldn't sacrifice myself for others. I have the right to be lively and powerful.

No, of course; i don't mean that unhappiness is some sort of sacrifice we have to pay for the good of others. Nor that is the destination. I'm trying to see our unhappiness as a result of being more aware, and awareness has a price to pay. Perhaps the world has always been a miserable place, but we see today things more clearly; it can be the state of the planet, it can be our relationships.... this makes us suffer, but can be also a starting point to a much better world, a much better life.

A hug to you.

 

[diamant]

@marybluesky I see what @GreenHazel said like this:
When we feel unhappy, it's a clear sign that something is wrong. And we need to pinpoint what is wrong, and take steps to rectify it. If we all act like that, we each become a better person. And that benefits everyone, including ourselves, because it's good to become 'better' and live with 'better' people around us.

PS there are those who cannot become better, and they drag the rest of us down, hence it's good to avoid them.

 

[marybluesky]

@GreenHazel , @diamant
I see what you say, but it hasn't been an awareness gained after imposed hardship & stillness due to Coivd. For me it was the reverse: I used to be much more sensitive to those issues before Covid.

I was more active in the terms of society & environment, because I was strong & fairly optimist, I had the force to fight. Now I'm weakened & see no way to be really effective. I'm struggling to save myself, let alone anyone else. I have no mental strength to face animal rights and society issues anymore, A cause of my depression was learning about them over & over without finding a way to stop it, or at least, an outlet to manage my anger: my physical & social activity was very restricted. Before, I could find brave people, I had to go to the work every day & the mere walking, taking buses, goings, comings and being in the heart of life lifted my morals. After the isolation I felt trapped, I had no where to go, I had nothing to do.

I can't carry the burden anymore. Plus I think my efforts have been in vain. I was naïve. I went after my ideals while others were after personal gain, and they won.

 

[redoleander]

Reading though the replies made me think about the original post again.

hidden line is 57.2

On this line Lise says:
9 at 2: Influence below the bed. Use numerous chroniclers and shamans. Auspicious. No fault.
Accept your seal humbly and completely, do not try to understand, but open your intuition and believe in miracles. Your own attitude will attract all you need, you don't have to use tools to find it. Least of all the tool of thinking, which is a tool of arrogance. You do not know anything, it knows you, if you are only you.

I love her interpretation of this line, especially the last sentence. Being more and more of what you are; coming home to yourself.

On a different note, sometimes this line can actually mean consulting the oracle (which you are!) and getting other perspectives. Maybe a shaman or psychic or astrologer or other esoteric work could help with another perspective on the depression. It made me wonder what other ways into the self and into healing might be available to you. Even different therapies, like trying EMDR instead of talk therapy. Sometimes when things aren’t working it’s time to walk away from the wall we keep banging our head against and try a totally different approach since we won’t be able to see the full picture from the spot we are in anyway.We also gain insight by using new approaches. For example, deeply feeling can lead to intuition that produces more clarity than thinking. Like Albert Einstein said, "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it."

 

[diamant]

Before, I could find brave people, I had to go to the work every day & the mere walking, taking buses, goings, comings and being in the heart of life lifted my morals. After the isolation I felt trapped, I had no where to go, I had nothing to do.

I can totally see what you mean. There are countless 'distractions' usually. And they're not even exactly distractions, it's life. Then, a moment comes in which (for whatever reasons) we are left alone with our self. It's highly unpleasant, especially if we have unresolved issues and don't love our self enough. You crave validation from others - and top of that, you're young and your hormones are all as they should be. I stand by my original interpretation, look for a man.

 

[Matali]

Hello Mary
Do you know the Bach Flowers ? It is very surprising sometimes... I have already experimented and it was a real surprise because a few drops - several times a day during 2 or 3 weeks - can change very subtle things, it's surprising but it works if we find the right flower that corresponds to our condition.

In situations where we no longer believe in anything, when we feel at the bottom of the hole and desperate, when we have lost hope : there is GORSE. It is an impenetrable plant in nature but full of lights with great radiation power

 

[marybluesky]

@diamanda, thanks for your concern.

I don't think I hate myself, and I do enjoy sex . However I don't think it causes more than some 20% of problem: I sense that, the libido, the force of life with all it's countless potential factettes as you know, has been suffocated. I do crave validation from others, the way someone who needs to nurture or be nurtured, or wants a child, or a loving husband does. I see all that as different forms of a need.

Your interpretation is different & interesting. I wonder how did you read the cast this way.

@redoleander, thanks for your suggestion. As far as I know, EMDR is used for PTSD in particular. I don't know if it's useful in my case.

 

[diamant]

I wonder how did you read the cast this way.

Line 9.1 speaks of going back to your own way of doing things - so you don't need to change yourself, only to remember what you like. Line 9.2 speaks of drawing another one to you. And 53 is about a maiden's engagement.