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Why a break-up?

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Hi Everybody :)


That’s my secondo post. My first one was last year about a love story, your feedback were right despite they were not what I was wishing for at that time.

I’m here with a new post, asking for your help to interpret.

Here the background.

I’m 44 and since ever I have been looking for a durational relationship, I never had, not as I wished.

My personal story is complex. I lost my mum, father and grand parents from 2 to 25 years old. Abandonment is my theme and I did work a lot on myself. I’ve been practicing meditation since 5 years. It supports me a lot, but I do need to continue practicing more and more. I ching divination is helping me as well, despite I’m not expert. I use to consulte your old posts to confront them with castings.
 
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I need help with a new man I met.

We knew on socials, then we met three times along two months, because we both were busy or traveling and were not in a hurry. He is 4 years older than me, single, no children, not past too long relationships. I don’t know so much about his life, we both were reserved on our previous love life, I suppose as a form of protection and prudence some how.

Despite we are very different form each other, there was a strong attraction between us. He was mainly attracted by my brave choice to follow my passion for art and travel, despite all difficulties it implicated. He has a stable job that doesn’t entirely satisfy him but can ensure his well-being. Despite I’m improving my situation, I still have economical instability due to my choices as an artist, but in the last few years I’m trying to transfer my artistic skills into a job.

We enjoyed a lot the time we spent together, and I used to wait for him to be the first to text me, because I feared to not be returned in my feelings. I was suspicious because of my past experiences since most of my partners left me and I suffered a lot because I felt abandoned.

This month he had a one-month holidays, during which he planned to travel to many different places. I was happy for him, I could see how much he could enjoy this month of the year.

One day, while I was traveling, my plan to be back in town changed and I asked him if he was there and wanted to see me. I never asked before. He answered he would like to but that night he was already busy. And added: I’ll update you. After that message, we hadn’t text each other and we broke off all contact.

I didn’t take personally his answer, I was fine because he had already other plans for that night, but I expected him to text me later on, as he used to do. But he didn’t… Then he left for a new holiday and since he never texted me during that time or in these days (I know he is back for some few days and then will travel again till end of the month), I first felt sad, then I started to think he doesn’t like me enough.

I wonder why he didn’t contact me anymore. I didn’t as well, I know. I fear to contact him and feel me refused. The fact he stopped texting me after I advanced my proposal of meeting (I never did before) made me feel refused once I exposed myself. I felt “seduced and abandoned” as the famous Italian movie I “accidentally” stumbled upon few days later our last messages.

I know my fears and I’m aware of them. I’m trying to control fears and negative thoughts by meditation, but it’s not always easy.

I don’t know what to think about this interruption (I didn’t expect it at all) and I would appreciate so much your help to interpret my takes. I’ll try to give my interpretation but not really sure they might be right:


1) Why this break up happened?

13.1.3 > 12


I read a previous post (https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/index.php?threads/another-relationship-question-13-1-3-to-12.26392/) where Trojina wrote: “Line 3 can show both parties seeking to gain an advantage without revealing their intentions and that’s a situation that’s going nowhere. So, if you want it to change, I think you’d need to go to somewhere he goes out (line 1) and talk to him open up (line 3) to shift the block between you. Of course that doesn’t guarantee a happy outcome but it’s better that not knowing…” It continues…

I suppose the break happened because we never clarify our expectations or intentions. I wonder if I should speak up to clarify them and know what happened. I would like to ask him, but at the same time I wonder if I should or not because I fear his reaction (Anyway, I can’t meet him somewhere he goes out because we live in a big city and I have no idea where he uses to hang out, for sure not where I use to).


2) How does he feel about me?

29.4.6 > 6


Does 29 speaks about self discovery and fears to go deep inside yourself? As a context, does it mean that he fears a deeper connection? Line 4 and 6 don’t seem very auspicious. I can’t really interpret them if referred to his feeling but do they speak about being inside a prison. What does it means? The resulting hexagram is Conflict…


3) Where can lead X and I if I’ll contact him in September once he will be back to his own regular life? (I asked that way because he is traveling till the end of the month and if I decide to contact him, I would like to do it once I know he is here and we can eventually meet to discuss about)

13.1.2 > 44

It doesn’t seem auspicious too… Do these lines speak about a superficial connection? As many posts say, 44 looks to be a tricky hexagram… representing a powerful woman, you shouldn’t marry her…


4) Is X a good potential partner for me?

63.3 > 3


Should I expect many trials to face with him or maybe he represents one of the many trials I have to face to overcome my own fears and find the right partner?


5) Is there any chance for a durational relationship with him? (wondering if and how it can progress or not)

48.4.5.6 > 50


Not sure how to interpret this. The Well as a context for a potential relationship might describe a complex situation and the need to go deeper. The changing lines: maybe 4 line is about to have another opportunity with him, line 5 to keep a clear communication and line 6 talk about supreme good fortune. The Cauldron as the resulting hexagram might be a good insight but it will take time to know about.


6) Will he contact me again if I don’t?

1 unchanging


Does it mean that his own insecurities are blocking any actions. Does it mean he will never contact me again (unless I do…)?




I would like to stop thinking of him and move on if I knew he is not interested in me and there’s not any chance to reunion and deeper connection. Is life telling me to move on or to take the risk to ask him for clarifications?

Anyway, what would you suggest me? To look for clarifications or just move on?

Many thanks in advance for taking your time.
 

kevin

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Hello Flowing Like Water

I admire the effort you have put into healing yourself. Also that despite having a strong desire for a lasting relationship you are treading carefully and protecting yourself from further hurt. That takes self-control and self-respect. And, so I am nodding respectfully to you. A kowtow should you like.

With tense situations, those where the stakes are high for us, we often feel pressure to do multiple readings. What if? Oh, and what about that. We've all done it, certainly I have. We are then faced with multiple readings from which we somehow need to gleen our answers. Whereas, in my experience, we have made a tangled web from our hopes, fears, and doubts. If I may, the first thing I do is write out all of the hopes, fears and doubts and then try to elicit one question which trumps them all. Here I might ask whether or not there is mileage in this realtionship? Or, what will this relationship offer me? I then have one clear answer, hopefully, and then a supplementary, clarifying question, might follow.

Can I take:
Is there any chance for a durational relationship with him? (wondering if and how it can progress or not)

48.4.5.6 > 50
?

However, I am mindful that you might decide to continue this relationship even though it might not be a lasting one.

I am using Wilhelm Baynes for this today.

Hx. 48 The well. The place where folk gather to draw life sustaining clear water. MiscellaniousNotes "The Well means Union".

Line 4: The well is being lined, no blame. The Dazhuan says that 'No blame' refers to a situation where corrective action is being taken. It does not promise success. But how can someone be blamed if they try to correct the situation? Here the well being lined is perhaps your corrective action. Your work to make this place of union fit for purpose. e.g. Attempting to repair, or sustain the relationship.

Line 5: Here the well has been repaired and the water is cool and sweet. Your work in Line 4 has been successful.

Line 6: "One draws from the well. Without Hinderance. It is dependable." The relationship becomes sound and it can be relied upon.

Hx. 50 Ting or Ding
This is the bronze vessel which was much more than just a cooking pot. It was often given by the feudal high Lord to a vassal as a sign of his respected position. It was used in cooking food for high ritual. The food was not only changed by cooking, but it also became a food fit for the ancestors. In terms of relationships, I would see at as signifying that the relationship is changed after the processes in 'The Well' above and that it becomes a place of emotional even spiritual sustanance.

I would also point out that your reading has given you a hexagram pair. All hexagrams are in pairs. The odd numbered one paired with the next even numbered one. The odd numbered one can be regarded as the 'inspiration' of the change and the following even numbered one, here it is Ding, is what then becomes manifested. Think planting a seed and the resulting plant that grows.

I do hope I haven’t gone on too much and that this might be a little help.

Wishing you well with this 'change'.

Kevin
 
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Hi Kevin,

thanks so much for your answer. I really appreciate your compliments in seeing my efforts to respect and control myself, despite the difficulties I face.

Because I'm Italian my English is not so good, it took some time to read properly your post and I think I got your message.

I would ask for some clarifications I might not well understood.

In your introduction you say: I then have one clear answer, hopefully, and then a supplementary, clarifying question, might follow.

- Which is your supplementary, clarifying question that might follow?

- How do you see that this might be a not lasting relationship? For sure, I would like to have one, but what mainly matters me is that whatever happens, it makes sense to continue if this relationship contains some important meanings to me or can nourish me somehow, then I can feel ok in correcting the situation and see what more this relationship can bring me.
Even though, knowing it won't be a lasting one scares me. I fear to feel me refused again and again. Or it might be myself to decide I don't need or want a relationship with someone at some point? Maybe because it doesn't satisfy me as I wish... :)) I would be brave if this happens...

In fact your question: what will this relationship offer me? sounds very interesting to me. I should ask for. Then, I will ask for your feedback again (I feel shy to post here despite I'm anonymous...)

One last more clarification: since I didn't study I Ching, I don't get what an hexagram pair is and how to see it in my readings. If I would like to know better this divination method I really love, where could I start from? Some suggestions? A book where to start from?

Thanks so much!
 
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Possibly, I would also like to hear from you Kevin, or someone else, about my other casts.
Because of my fears, one of my main unsolved doubt with this man is about his intentions...

I can text him and ask for clarifications and hopefully getting to the Ding and transform this relationship into a place of emotional even spiritual sustanance, as you say.

But the fact that he stopped texting me still makes me feel very unsecured to contact him again. As to say: can I trust this man because of his behaviour? Why did he stopped texting me? I should ask him, for sure. But first I would like some of your precious feedbacks, based on my takes.
 

kevin

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Hello Flowing Like Water
Your English is perfectly understandable.

The interpretation I gave you for this reading was very positive. Essentially it said that by working to repair the relationship it would become one that would sustain you and which will endure.

My apologies for the comment about ‘not lasting relationship’ I wrote that before doing the doing the interpretation. It should have been deleted. However do remember that everything in this world is impermanent. That is, nothing lasts as you know in the most painful of ways.

It’s not for me to say what the next question might be. You are the one most closely in tune with this time in your life. Your reading which I have interpreted is very positive as to outcome. It says that you can repair the relationship and then it will endure.
What do you most need to know? Work that out and post here again and I or another will help. I have only recently returned here and I see there are quite a number of very skilled people writing here.

The key thing is you have been told there is a positive way forward in this relationship. Yijing / I Ching is all about developing a strategy to match the needs of the time. And, a strategy is what you seem to be seeking.

As for learning to use the Yijing more effectively. If you were happy to do this in English this site has the best course I know. Hillary Barret’s Yijing / I Ching is extremely well written and it is based on many years of experience and study. Were you to want to learn to use it in Italian I can only suggest you go to Italian sites, or post here on the Open Forum. There may be someone who knows. But please bear in mind. The reading you got shows that you are already able to enquire from the Yijing and get a meaningfull response. That is you have made a connection with Yijing.

Think again. What do your really need to know now. Use the Yi and, if you like post here again. I or another will help.
Warmly
Kevin

PS The work to come up with the right question makes you find the core of the issue you face. Doing that clears your mind and gives you focus. The answers you get from a clear question with a clear mind behind it then become so much more valuable. This is why I put it back to you. Meditate on this?
Be well.
 
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Hi Steve :)

I just finished my meditation and found your message: it's amazing what you are saying...
Well, I didn't get your message as positive as you are clarifying now.
I will focus on the positive and trust life.
What I mostly appreciate of your words is when you talk about my connection with Yijing. I feel honored.

Thanks so much!!

I will deep my knowledge of I-Ching on this site. I used it mainly to read this shared reading section, and that is the best I could find. Since I really love it, I will explore the website properly and see what I can learn more.

And for sure, I will do some more posts if I need help now. You are making me feel supported and less shy about it. I'm trying to correct many things in my life, and I-Ching helped me a lot. But you and other very skilled people here with their insights can help me in other sectors of my life I'm trying to mend as well. Thanks to all of you, Hillary and the Universe to make this site happen.

Warmly,
Flowing Like Water
 

kevin

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I am so pleased you have found a path through this.

As for other issues. Oh, if only mine would stop coming for a while whilst I work through the backlog!

Good luck

Warmly

Kevin
:)
 

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