1.5.6>34

[gato]

It would be nice to find a man who treats me well and sees me as something more than a sex toy. I thought this guy was different. Guess even the nice guys can be jerks.

i guess you should be worried when a guy do NOT see you as a sex toy (partner, rather). all the other stuff will come in time ( if ever )

 

[chucklesthegirl]

i guess you should be worried when a guy do NOT see you as a sex toy (partner, rather). all the other stuff will come in time ( if ever )

True. It's not so much that they see me as a sex partner or what have you, I think it's how I react to that.

*sigh*
Trying to take more responsibility for my actions and see where i am at fault. I know I am doing something wrong.

 

[willowfox]

If this kind of comment were made about women, it would be considered unacceptably offensive. I'm personally offended by your generalizations about how all men are evil, wicked, not to be trusted. Utter trash.

Yes, I would be offended as well and probably scream and shout about it, but my parrot and cat are not evil or wicked as such but they certainly can't be trusted and that's true.

 

[meng]

True. It's not so much that they see me as a sex partner or what have you, I think it's how I react to that.

*sigh*
Trying to take more responsibility for my actions and see where i am at fault. I know I am doing something wrong.

Just talking casually here, chuckles... no thunderous voice from the clouds...

My impression is that there are layers to your story/situation, and layers also in Yi's answers. There's a fundamental issue here of power. Your friend's inclination for you to assert more forwardness doesn't automatically make him a pervert. There are many happy and comfortable submissive men, and many happy and comfortable dominant women, and many happy matches in that dynamic.

What's interesting to me is that you don't demonstrate that kind of power, but a different power. As such, you probably wouldn't satisfy your friend's desire - in that way. Doesn't mean you can't go on being friends.

Furthermore, it could be that what your friend would like to see from you is actually a bit something that would empower you, as you assume more responsibility.

You say you're doing something wrong, and seem committed to that. Maybe a bit of what your friend would like to see would actually be very good for you. Your initial reading was all about power, so power (34) is a central theme here. Just what that means is something to learn, in this case, as in general. Maybe the direction your friend shows you can be very good. 1 is relentless, never tires, spends most of it time underground (7).

It may not be a match but it doesn't mean you can't learn from each other.

And to small degree, I concede to Wf's distasteful comment about the man in this case, based on the two lines in 58.. something a bit selfish and possibly luring going on here, on his part. Which, btw, is a common trait of submissive men. There's something different a woman feels when a strong (34) man approaches her, as when a submissive man approaches her. She may be aroused by one and repulsed by the other. That's just about which way the magnets are facing, and nothing personal. Nothing to feel offended by. Just be yourself and not worry what he or others think.

Rather than being hard on yourself, why not rev up a head of steam and try being more assertive in general. See how that feels. Obviously it's not good to use power just to show or use it, but it's good to have it when you need it (7). Maybe your friend sees that too, and would like to see you grow in that way.

 

[gato]

True. It's not so much that they see me as a sex partner or what have you, I think it's how I react to that.

*sigh*
Trying to take more responsibility for my actions and see where i am at fault. I know I am doing something wrong.

Man are simple beings. We see boobs, legs and back. If you are good on that and manage add some personality on top, you became an extraordinary woman, if not, you are a woman. We are not evil, just simple ... once you understand that you will react properly.
heh, hope it helps

 

[lucia]

Ok I’m going to start here and go back a bit………

Meng is absolutely right about this being a fundamental issue of power where I disagree with his otherwise fine observations is the conflation of power with dominance. They are not the same. Indeed I would argue that as soon as you have dominance you have lost your power – you have something different because you are afraid to not be in control. I think confusing power with dominance is a common view and I have seen it before on other threads where some guys (not meng) have got crackly about the use of the expression “strong women” and then vented all their hang ups. Strong women do not need to dominate. Strong women are comfortable with who they are and the path they walk on. Nothing more.

For me it is first of all the questions you ask that are interesting but please don’t take what I am going to say as criticism because it is not:

I asked "what does this person want me to do?" and received hex 1.5.6>34 as my answer.

I am confused because there is no commitment between us and I don't want to push for one out of fear of losing his friendship. Also, we live a good distance from each other, so asking for a commitment seems a bit much....not that I wouldn't like one, but I don't want to push for something if he is not comfortable with that.

how does he feel about me?
hex 11 unchanging

does he feel any sort of attachment towards me?
hex 58.3.4>5

Is he using me?
1.1.3.4.6>29

They are all about what HE WANTS and does only much further down do you ask what YOU can do

There is no commitment but you don’t want to lose his “friendship”

In response to WF suggestion that he is using you……..

That would make sense because it ties into an earlier reading I did where I got a hex 7 unchanging in regards to whether or not I needed to take a leadership role in this situation.

Thank you, WillowFox! I had the suspicion that was what was going on but wasn't sure and I honestly didn't know how to ask without putting him on the defensive or possibly losing his friendship.

Guess I have some thinking to do. I don't want to be used at all. I am too good for that.

He seems to be pulling back from me a bit so maybe this arrangement is not sitting too well with him. That or he has a new girl to play with. I will put him on the back burner for now. I have other things to deal with and being a second class mare in a stable of other mares is so not on my agenda.
It would be nice to find a man who treats me well and sees me as something more than a sex toy. I thought this guy was different. Guess even the nice guys can be jerks.

True. It's not so much that they see me as a sex partner or what have you, I think it's how I react to that.

*sigh*
Trying to take more responsibility for my actions and see where i am at fault. I know I am doing something wrong.

I actually think you are right but it is not “faults” or “wrong” it is a lack of self belief and the confidence to raise the bar when it comes to guys. And once you begin to gain those things it is very empowering and in my experience, guys find it sexy and attractive (unless they are messed up about women in which case they feel threatened and that’s ok too because it acts like a filter)

Listen to el Gatito

Man are simple beings. We see boobs, legs and back. If you are good on that and manage add some personality on top, you became an extraordinary woman, if not, you are a woman. We are not evil, just simple ... once you understand that you will react properly.
heh, hope it helps

there is some GENERAL truth in that (chuckle)…….. I’ll come back to it in a minute.

Here is your last reading:

I asked what steps I should take next in this situations and received 54.2.6>21

That supports my plan to step back, look at this situation from a larger perspective (line 2) and rely on my inner abilities to give myself what I need instead of looking for it in places where it doesn't exist (line 6) in order to overcome this "small" hurdle (hex 21).

You are the underdog here…….54

54.2 he’s not there his attention is eslwhere but you are hoping he will be……

54.6 there is nothing here also it is just empty

21 you need to “bite through” this stuff vigourously and find your self as Meng said it is an issue of power. Your inner power as a woman NOT dominance. Dominance is actually weak in my opinion because it is afraid to let go of control.

This doesn’t make him a jerk or anything else. But it is no good for you and you will probably not get anything out of it.

Without moralising in anyway (because it is not a moral issue) stop handing yourself to guys on a plate. As Gato said, guys on one level are not so complicated (I said on one level…….)

If you really want to solve these issues it is time to get to work on yourself (remember your Hex 7) and cultivate your self belief and self loving as a woman because that will lead to partnership (Hex 11). If you treasure and love your body first then so will guys. But the key word is treasure – it is special and don’t forget that and don’t allow anyone in unless they know that too. Don’t beat yourself up, it is not your fault – but it can be worked on and you can have better times with guys. Your use of the word “friend” with this guy confuses me and I suspect is confusing you. In what way is he a friend? What are you doing sleeping with a friend unless it is so amazing it is worth risking the friendship for? If he is a friend why can’t you just ring him and say hey dude you are taking the micky?

Anyway…… don’t shoot the messenger

And just keep reminding yourself you are gorgeous.

Lucia

 

[meng]

Luica, I couldn't agree more with your points on power and dominance. However, that is an enlightened view of it, something which must be learned, and something I probably did not emphasize enough. I did point to it, however.

Obviously it's not good to use power just to show or use it, but it's good to have it when you need it (7).

What's interesting to me is that you don't demonstrate that kind of power, but a different power.

So, on ideological grounds, we agree completely. I was referring to a particular niche, and lifestyle of (what's referred to as) D/s. At its core it bears strong resemblance to Confucianism, in regard to human stereotyping. I have a small suspicion, based on Chuckles and her readings, that her friend may be interested in that, um, sport. Within that realm of strict role dogma, higher principles can still apply, such as knowledge of the points you've made. But even there, in that niche culture, it would be considered an enlightened view.

I was presenting a base view, because I'm guessing her friend to be a novice at all this. I think he's pretty much without intent, but leans strongly toward stricter terms and definitions, and desiring to be a "bottom".

:bows:

 

[lucia]

Meng, I was really impressed that you even tackled the s/d thing ....... nice one !

L

 

[chucklesthegirl]

I'd like to say thank you to everyone for taking time to interpret, offer feedback and encouragement to me in this thread.

I took a lot of what was said and held it up as a comparison to what's going on in my life and honestly, there was a lot of truth there. I do serve myself up on a platter for men who want only to use me for their short term pleasures.
And I do this because i am a "people pleaser" who hopes that one day i will finally somehow "get it right" and then that person will love me.
It is a trap and I end up hurt, used and feeling worse than I did before.

My friend and I had a talk and apparently he is still in love with an ex. He is a really sweet guy and I don't think he means me any harm or even wishes to use me, he is just not really able to feel anything towards another person in that way right now.

Of course, I am reeling a bit. When he told me this I babbled incoherently for a little bit and then threw up for 30 minutes. Not exactly articulate but at least it was honest.

Not sure what to do aside from just being there for him as much as I can while remaining true to myself (i.e. no sex since I know I am attached and it will hurt me).

The readings I have done about this all revolve around hexagrams 25, 61, 37, 53, 48, 32 and 19.

They all point to developing a steady foundation for a solid friendship and success being found in the long term. I am so cynical right now that it all sounds like hogwash to me despite the readings being beautiful and tender and quite positive.

I'll be sure to update if anything happens.
Namaste

 

[willowfox]

My friend and I had a talk and apparently he is still in love with an ex. He is a really sweet guy and I don't think he means me any harm or even wishes to use me, he is just not really able to feel anything towards another person in that way right now.

Well, not much here, except passion when you are together, and that's it.

Well, there you go.

 

[chucklesthegirl]

Yeah, I agree. I think he wants to try to get close to me or basically anyone in general but he is so pessimistic about it that he automatically dismisses the idea as being doomed for failure even before it begins.

I will be there for him since he is a wonderful man (and I do adore him) and try to not have any expectations of anything, just offer my support and empathy.

Basically all I can do for him.

 

[meng]

Thanks, Chuckles, for following up here.

From your post I gather that the original 1.5,6-34 plays multiple roles, pertaining to you taking command of your life and choices, not being that people pleaser you felt you were supposed to be, and it also showed his lack of power in this scenario. He seems to drift with no resolve, only regrets, and you feel sorry for him. The relief that you can offer is that of temporary relief, which would likely be spent mothering him (a form of topping him). It's a needy situation, or has been. Seems you're getting a good handle on it.

 

[chucklesthegirl]

Thanks, Chuckles, for following up here.

From your post I gather that the original 1.5,6-34 plays multiple roles, pertaining to you taking command of your life and choices, not being that people pleaser you felt you were supposed to be, and it also showed his lack of power in this scenario. He seems to drift with no resolve, only regrets, and you feel sorry for him. The relief that you can offer is that of temporary relief, which would likely be spent mothering him (a form of topping him). It's a needy situation, or has been. Seems you're getting a good handle on it.

Thank you, Meng.

I hope it works. I empathize with him because I feel the same kind of lingering hurt that he does. It's not easy having a heavy heart. Hopefully by sticking by his side, I can toss out some of the old negative garbage I have carried with me for so long.

Kind of wondering if this is what the hex 17.6 was alluding to. Hrm.