About him... Friend or a lover?

[Mayorka]

Ok, just to clear the situation about him... the one I have posted and I am really confused now... My interior designer... Is our relationship only professional? Are we really friends? Or there is indeed love interest?

In case people don't know what I mean:

Love Attraction

I had asked about a man in my life who I am interested but he seems to be stuck in his past and there is no interest towards me.. The answers seem to show there is no hope between us and a lot of times I have received 23 unchanging. The thing is... yesterday I asked I ching about and I told: I...

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

Love attraction to be continued....

One more time about the man that I wrote you on my previous posts.. We had a meeting yesterday and it seems that there is a mutual admiration and understanding... I can't recognise if this is just a friendship or there is an attraction here... but anyway I have to face it for a long time, every...

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

48.1.3.6 > 61 -> 19.2>24

I have to admit it... I can't take my mind of him.... I believe he feels attracted to me too... Do you see me in relationship with him? 48.1.3.6 > 61 Even if the well is empty of water at the beginning and nobody drinking from it finally he draws from the well without hindrance.. 61 Inner...

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

The last couple of days our relationship seems to be exactly like 61.2. We call us very good 'friends'.
There are mutual feelings of appreciation, love and respect and we have express them clearly.. I am really confused if his 'friendly' behaviour hides sexual attraction.
We can't retreat.. It's a professional relationship that It has to continue for a very long time.. Whenever I say I have to distance myself he comes closer...and he makes me feel more in love...

However, I keep him in a distance because I know that he has a relationship..

Will he express me love interest?
58.3.4 > 5
58.3 Sexual attraction?
58.4 He has to choose between 2 women and he is indecisive.
5 patience. " If you are sincere, you have light and success. Perseverance brings good fortune. It furthers one to cross the great water." We use to talk about how important is to be sincere to each other.. so if he feels something for me he has to speak out...

I think he is attracted to me and not just being nice.
Just to be clear, I am not the type of woman who likes to be between a couple and separate them. Moreover, our professional relationship is very important to me and I am not going to sacrifice it so as to be with him...

 

[diamant]

Will he express me love interest?
58.3.4 > 5

He will not. Line 58.3 shows that if there is any expression or communication, this will bring misfortune. In line 58.4 someone does indeed weigh their options. 5 is waiting, so, again, inaction.

He's probably waiting for you to make the first move. It's very common for cheaters to tease their next victim by showing little signs, but overall being vague and unclear. This forces the victim to take the first step. Then that absolves the cheater of the responsibility, as it wasn't 'them' who started it.

 

[moss elk]

Will he express me love interest?
58.3.4 (5)

Consider first that you did not get a clearly affirmative answer,
Or even a slightly encouraging one.

and instead got a picture of Friends (58) and of Making the most of the mean time/waiting (or lunch) (5).
Line 3 can refer to hedonism (his? yours?), I don't know where line 4 falls into your situation,
Does he have multiple girls on the side, little black book? Are you just a time killer for him?

The reading doesn't seem to support what you may have wanted to hear.

 

[Mayorka]

To be honest, even if I like him I don't want him to make any move...So no action seems to be a reasonable move. First of all, he is in a relationship for years. Everybody knows it. I don't want to get involved. Secondly, I haven't shown him any interest. My behaviour is clearly professional. However, we have expressed sincere feelings. Actually, I feel that our friendship isn't so innocent but anyway.. If he is waiting for me to act he is going to be very disappointed. For me it is very important to keep our professional relationship and I am not going to do anything that will risk it.

Some more questions:

(talking to iching) We won't have a relationship : 63.2 > 5
Do not run after him, wait, what belongs to you will come to you.. So clear answer.

And.. Is he confused if he wants me or his girlfriend?
64.1.2.6 >51
Hmm I don't like the resulting hexagram.. Really complicated steps..
He gets his tail in the water and then he stops..and then when the struggle is over and celebrates, he is shocked...
Ok, he doesn't know what he wants.

I guess after 6 years with the same partner he is not so happy in his relationship...

 

[Trojina]

There's no sign he is choosing between the two of you is there? He's with her, in a relationship with her.

Until he actually comes out and says he wants to end that and be with you you have to take it he is unavailable don't you?

He could just be flirting, playing games, enjoying your company, liking you, finding you attractive but with no intention at all of leaving her. Hard for you but this is a very common scenario in work situations and it seems to me it's the woman who generally suffers always believing it's going somewhere because he's sending off such loved up signals. He may be sending out loved up signals but he hasn't left her! So he wants to stay with her. So your difficult task is accepting this.

Thanks for linking to previous threads to clarify the situation. One thing I'm still confused about is I thought in another thread you said he talked a lot about a past relationship but now it's a relationship he's still in?

And.. Is he confused if he wants me or his girlfriend?
64.1.2.6 >51
Hmm I don't like the resulting hexagram.. Really complicated steps..
He gets his tail in the water and then he stops..and then when the struggle is over and celebrates, he is shocked...
Ok, he doesn't know what he wants.

I guess after 6 years with the same partner he is not so happy in his relationship...

Or he could be very happy, 6 years is a long time to be with someone. You aren't going to know how happy he is with his girlfriend this way. He knows and shows what he wants by staying with his girlfriend. Until he tells you he is confused and wants to leave her you have to take it he's not available to you.

I won't look at the reading because at this point I don't think more readings help. I also don't believe in the trying to use the the I Ching to mind read other people, it doesn't work it's just guessing only he knows what's in his head and we'd be having a huge delusional ego trip of omniscience to claim access to the contents of his mind which is still private.

 

[Mayorka]

There's no sign he is choosing between the two of you is there? He's with her, in a relationship with her.

Until he actually comes out and says he wants to end that and be with you you have to take it he is unavailable don't you?

He could just be flirting, playing games, enjoying your company, liking you, finding you attractive but with no intention at all of leaving her. Hard for you but this is a very common scenario in work situations and it seems to me it's the woman who generally suffers always believing it's going somewhere because he's sending off such loved up signals. He may be sending out loved up signals but he hasn't left her! So he wants to stay with her. So your difficult task is accepting this.

Thanks for linking to previous threads to clarify the situation. One thing I'm still confused about is I thought in another thread you said he talked a lot about a past relationship but now it's a relationship he's still in?



Or he could be very happy, 6 years is a long time to be with someone. You aren't going to know how happy he is with his girlfriend this way. He knows and shows what he wants by staying with his girlfriend. Until he tells you he is confused and wants to leave her you have to take it he's not available to you.

I won't look at the reading because at this point I don't think more readings help. I also don't believe in the trying to use the the I Ching to mind read other people, it doesn't work it's just guessing only he knows what's in his head and we'd be having a huge delusional ego trip of omniscience to claim access to the contents of his mind which is still private.

Really, I am not suffering or feeling sad because of his relationship. I like him and that's all.
Glad If he is happy but looking back the answers I have received about his relationship (28.3>47) I am not so sure...
Actually, I disagree that Iching does not read the minds of people...For example if I had the line 31.4>39 I would be sure that he is confused.

Anyway, I feel good.

 

[marybluesky]

He's probably waiting for you to make the first move. It's very common for cheaters to tease their next victim by showing little signs, but overall being vague and unclear. This forces the victim to take the first step. Then that absolves the cheater of the responsibility, as it wasn't 'them' who started it.

That's damn right.

 

[redoleander]

58.3.4 > 5

58.3 is you expecting something that either doesn't happen or isn't what you think it is. 58.4 looks like disagreement of some kind, staying calm in an argument or negative moment. He might tell you to back off, to be honest, or something similar if you're doing things that make him or his partner uncomfortable. I think it's suggesting you don't let it get to that point.

Did you have another query about why he didn't add you on social media? I think I replied to that one... I can't remember the details but in that casting too you inferred some kind of breakup of their relationship that wasn't really perceptible in that reading either. It's possible you're seeing what you want to see.

Just based off those two readings (I didn't read the others) I think he's keeping you at a friendly distance. What Diamant wrote is also possible, sometimes people are leading you on intentionally, but when I include that reading about social media I see it a different way which is that he has to keep you at a distance because you're expecting something that's not appropriate to the relationship you have with him.

 

[dfreed]

I am not suffering or feeling sad because of his relationship. I like him and that's all.

I am confused. You say you're okay with your relationship with this guy, as it is, but then you've done dozens of readings about him - asking if he loves you, how does he feel about you, will he leave his lover, why hasn't he added you to his social media, is there a chance you'll get together .... etc.

It's as if you're obsessed with him; and it feels like you're treating the Yi like it's a magic lamp - and that if you rub it enough times and ask it enough questions, it will grant you your 'wish' of a romantic relationship with Mr. Interior Designer!

.... and so when you say your okay with how things are ? There may be a piece to the puzzle that I'm missing, but something seems amiss here in this 'relationship'?

 

[dfreed]

.... something seems amiss here in this 'relationship'?

Following up on what I shared above, I am struck by you're reading about your Father, whom is your worst enemy:

What should I do? .... about my very toxic, selfish, arrogant strict and domineering father ....
47.2.3>31

I think this reading about your father is giving you important information and advice, perhaps about your other 'relationships' as well ....

As I see it, 47.2.3 is saying you are in Distress (hex. 47) about pursuing a joyful relationship - maybe because of the presence of an invisible tyrant or dictator (your father) that you - perhaps unknowingly - carry with, or within you. This weighs you down, and feels as if you're 'grasping at thorns'. And because of this, you may not be able to see - or imagine - a real partner or mate. ***

In this reading Hex. 47's lower trigram (3-line figure) is Water with two moving lines; Lake is the upper trigram: I think Lake represents you and your desire to be happy and be in a communicative, joyful relationship. But trigram Water below with two moving lines is you being swept along by a raging, rage-filled river, whom we can name "Raging-Toxic-Father-River". And being swept along by this river may never get you to your destination, of having a joyful relationship.

So perhaps, first you need to STOP (31's lower trigram Mountain); and dry off and heal yourself from the hurt caused by this toxic wild river journey. And once you've done this, "Your plea is heard / Good fortune" (from Hex. 47)

Maybe this feels harsh? However, I think that sometimes the Yi speaks to us in 'unfortunate' or 'disastrous' terms to get our attention and wake us up a bit. Maybe this is something worth paying attention to - and perhaps it's more important than who this guy 'likes' on social media?

Regards, D

*** Note: I based my interpretation above on parts of S. Fields translation (I've changed the gender):
47.2: She is distressed with food and wine, and then come the scarlet knees.
47.3: Distressed by stone, she grasps at thorns. Entering her palace she does not see (a) wife.

 

[marybluesky]

Mayorka

maybe it's more helpful to ask how you can get rid of this guy in your mind so that your confusion ends.

 

[Mayorka]

Oh God what I am reading.... Am I looking desperate? Is it a bad thing to ask questions for someone?
I have enough self confidence and I want a man to be 100% available for me. No problem if he is not.
I don't really care if he stays with his girlfriend.
My business comes first.

 

[Mayorka]

Following up on what I shared above, I am struck by you're reading about your Father, whom is your worst enemy:



I think this reading about your father is giving you important information and advice, perhaps about your other 'relationships' as well ....

As I see it, 47.2.3 is saying you are in Distress (hex. 47) about pursuing a joyful relationship - maybe because of the presence of an invisible tyrant or dictator (your father) that you - perhaps unknowingly - carry with, or within you. This weighs you down, and feels as if you're 'grasping at thorns'. And because of this, you may not be able to see - or imagine - a real partner or mate. ***

In this reading Hex. 47's lower trigram (3-line figure) is Water with two moving lines; Lake is the upper trigram: I think Lake represents you and your desire to be happy and be in a communicative, joyful relationship. But trigram Water below with two moving lines is you being swept along by a raging, rage-filled river, whom we can name "Raging-Toxic-Father-River". And being swept along by this river may never get you to your destination, of having a joyful relationship.

So perhaps, first you need to STOP (31's lower trigram Mountain); and dry off and heal yourself from the hurt caused by this toxic wild river journey. And once you've done this, "Your plea is heard / Good fortune" (from Hex. 47)

Maybe this feels harsh? However, I think that sometimes the Yi speaks to us in 'unfortunate' or 'disastrous' terms to get our attention and wake us up a bit. Maybe this is something worth paying attention to - and perhaps it's more important than who this guy 'likes' on social media?

Regards, D

*** Note: I based my interpretation above on parts of S. Fields translation (I've changed the gender):
47.2: She is distressed with food and wine, and then come the scarlet knees.
47.3: Distressed by stone, she grasps at thorns. Entering her palace she does not see (a) wife.

These are some very interesting points actually. You are absolutely correct. My father's toxic behaviour creates me a lot of troubles with my relationships, but this is something I fight inside me day by day and I feel very proud of myself.
I am a better person.

 

[dfreed]

Am I looking desperate? Is it a bad thing to ask questions for someone?

I never said it's a bad thing to ask questions about someone. We all do that. I am saying that it's confusing to me that you say you want a man who is available and that you don't really care if this guy stays with his lover, etc., but then you ask questions about his love for you and if he's going to leave her, etc. over and over and over and over again ....

And so in answer to your question, Yes, that seems a bit (or more) desperate, and I am wondering if this might have something to do with your abusive, toxic, selfish, arrogant. strict and domineering father - and the fact that your relationship with him has caused problems with your other relationships?

And that's based on what I was seeing in the Yi's responses to you.

Regards, D.