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Confused about how to proceed after separation

kapoork

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Hi
I am currently separated from my husband due to a horrible fight after which he asked me to leave his house. I was depressed for a lot reasons while living with him and thought life would become better and actually accepted the separation. We had thought of divorce.

But as it so happens even after 3 months neither of us has filed for divorce. we work in the same place which makes things all the more complicated.

I did a readhing with the question 'what is in store for my married life' and got 28.2 changing to 31

I then asked 'what will happen if I return back on his terms now' and got 50.4 changing to 18

My current situation is that I do not wish to return to him unless he agrees to fix the problems that cause all the issues between us (basically a ton of interference from his parents who dont stay with us but do visit often and also 'force' us to visit them and spend vacations with them a lot)

I am not sure how to interpret these reading and I'm also not sure if i'm asking the IChing the correct questions.

Please help me a) understand the readings better, b) phrase better questions to make the most of my readings.

Regards!
 

Tim K

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What is in store for my married life?
28.2 (Exceeding) -> 31 (Influence, Wooing)

Hex 28 speaks about excessive pressure situation, something is out-of-balance, defect in the column ( I suppose his parents behaviour or your attitude towards them).

Wilhelm writes:
It is necessary to find a way of transition as quickly as possible, and to take action. This promises success. For although the strong element is in excess, it is in the middle, that is, at the center of gravity, so that a revolution is not to be feared. Nothing is to be achieved by forcible measures. The problem must be solved by gently penetration to the meaning of the situation.

Line 2 promises success, old matters are being revitalized. And as a result you get Hex 31 (Influence).
It doesn't promise instant peace and union, it only says that union is possible if you work together.

What will happen if I return back on his terms now?
50.4 (The cauldron) -> 18 (Managing decay)
I think the cauldron signifies your marriage, and line 4 says 'The legs of the ting are broken. The prince's meal is spilled and his person is soiled'.
And that is confirmed by hex 18 - Working on what has been spoiled.
Wilhelm: "It is come about because the gentle indifference in the lower trigram has come together with the rigid inertia of the upper, and the result is stagnation. Since this implies guilt, the conditions embody a demand for removal of the cause."

You can't just return back on his conditions, you will have to face the 'spilled food' and 'broken legs'. You have to repair them if you want to start :stir: again. As far as I know, the cauldron has three legs which support it: You, Him, and his parents i suppose.

I think the main thing is to get Him to budge a little, to somehow change the situation about his parent's interference, and maybe change your attitude also. I speak of Him, because hex 31 says that masculine principle should take the initiative.

"What's the matter Dear? Let's talk about it"
yicard31.jpg



About proper questions, I think these will be helpful:
1) What should i understand about this situation
2) Please comment on my attitude towards his parents
3) What should i understand about his parents
4) What is the most immediate step i should take towards fixing my marriage
 
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kumarsahab

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My current situation is that I do not wish to return to him unless he agrees to fix the problems that cause all the issues between us (basically a ton of interference from his parents who dont stay with us but do visit often and also 'force' us to visit them and spend vacations with them a lot)
!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....

I'm from India, in the process of getting divorced and maybe pretty much for the same reasons (isn't this always the 'reason' here) - so I'm allowed to laugh:)

I'm a guy though - so I unequivocally lay all the blame on the girls....

Take care. Its never that bad.

Just a cursory reading (though that is never the way to do a reading) give me an impression of a positive reply from the Yi to the first question - it doesn't look like anything is lost. The reply to the second query seems way more malefic (I don't think you'll get anything out of "pati ki seva". But this is just an overview. Looks like things should work out. Some "fresh unexpected impulse" should save the day.

I've give it a deeper look later.

Otherwise you always have the 498a to kick his ass ;)

PS : PLEASE take this reply lightly - and apologies to people who didn't get the India references
 

Trojina

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Hi
I am currently separated from my husband due to a horrible fight after which he asked me to leave his house. I was depressed for a lot reasons while living with him and thought life would become better and actually accepted the separation. We had thought of divorce.

But as it so happens even after 3 months neither of us has filed for divorce. we work in the same place which makes things all the more complicated.

I did a readhing with the question 'what is in store for my married life' and got 28.2 changing to 31

I then asked 'what will happen if I return back on his terms now' and got 50.4 changing to 18

My current situation is that I do not wish to return to him unless he agrees to fix the problems that cause all the issues between us (basically a ton of interference from his parents who dont stay with us but do visit often and also 'force' us to visit them and spend vacations with them a lot)

I am not sure how to interpret these reading and I'm also not sure if i'm asking the IChing the correct questions.

Please help me a) understand the readings better, b) phrase better questions to make the most of my readings.

Regards!

It looks to me quite clearly as if the marriage can take on a new lease of life (28.2) but that you cannot return on his terms, if you do then what you have renewed will be spilled all over the place (50.4). There still is an issue to be resolved and it sounds like you know what it is...

My current situation is that I do not wish to return to him unless he agrees to fix the problems that cause all the issues between us (basically a ton of interference from his parents who dont stay with us but do visit often and also 'force' us to visit them and spend vacations with them a lot)

he needs to appreciate your POV on this and perhaps make some boundaries around when and when not the parents can visit
 

kapoork

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thank you for such a detailed reply. I was on the verge of interpreting this, specially the second reading very incorrectly.
i will try and center myself and ask the questions you have suggested, they make a lot of sense! thanks!
 

kapoork

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58.2.4.5 changing to 24

I asked what should i understand about his parents and got a reading 58.2.4.5 changing to 24, I have no clue how to interpret this against my question :confused:
 

kapoork

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I also asked what do I need to understand about my husband
I got the reading 6.1 to 10

Does this mean that he is going through conflict and I need to step back or is this talking about the conflict between the two of us?

then I asked how soon will we reunite and got 55.3 to 51 - I searched this up on the threads and found some reading interpreting the 55.3 as positive - indicating that just sticking to my course would result in positive outcome in 3 months? I am again sure I'm jumping at this reading for the slight ray of hope it gives.
Will need your expert advice on how I really should be interpreting all this.
 

Tim K

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What should i understand about his parents?
58.2.4.5(The Joyous, Talk) -> 24 (Return)

I think his parents are two bundles of joy, two lakes that fill each other, that just love their son very much.

Line 2 says: be sincere and refrain from activities that don't feel right for you.
Line 4 says: if you are trying to decide what's best for you, weighing down pros and cons, then this activity is not really for you.
Line 5 says: if you let the 'lowly' activities or thoughts affect you, it will bring trouble.

If you replace 'pleasure/activity' with 'being with them', and 'inferior' with 'parents' then lines 2,4,5 talk about the need for You to stay away from Them, to minimize the duration of contact, as if they are beneath you and only bring you trouble. Or/and it just shows your attitude right now.
Can your husband go visit his parents alone maybe?

Hex 24 is named 'Return', i think it confirms the need to stay away.
--------------------------------------------------
Also, in Huang's book, hex 58 means Talk, so you should talk with or about his parents honestly (line 2) and there's really much to talk about (line 4), but don't be too demanding (line 5). And then hex 24 will be ' The turning point '.
"The time of darkness is past. The winter solstice brings the victory of light. This hexagram is linked with the eleventh month, the month of the solstice (December-January)."


I also asked what do I need to understand about my husband
6.1(Dispute) -> 10 (Treading carefully)
Line 1 speaks about trying to avoid the conflict, to don't even mention it.

In my opinion: Your husband is caught between hammer and anvil, and tries to avoid conflict with his parents. He must be very close to them and doesn't want to distance himself away.
So he is treading carefully around the issue ('tiger' from hex 10).

how soon will we reunite
55.3 (Abundance) -> 51(Shock)
Line 3:
The underbrush is of such abundance that the small stars can be seen at noon. He breaks his right arm . No blame.

In the sphere of social relationships, this means that the prince is now so eclipsed that even the most insignificant persons can push themselves into the foreground. This makes it impossible for an able man, though he might be the right hand of the ruler, to undertake anything. It is as though his arm were broken, but he is not to blame for being thus hindered in action.

I think it says you cannot force anything for now. But i hope the eclipse will pass :)

As trojan have said earlier
"he needs to appreciate your POV on this and perhaps make some boundaries around when and when not the parents can visit"
In my humble opinion, considering all the questions, i think you should try to speak to your husband, about his parents and the problems they are causing. I don't know if that discussion was the cause of you leaving the house earlier...
 

kapoork

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58.2.4.5(The Joyous, Talk) -> 24 (Return)

I think his parents are two bundles of joy, two lakes that fill each other, that just love their son very much.

Line 2 says: be sincere and refrain from activities that don't feel right for you.
Line 4 says: if you are trying to decide what's best for you, weighing down pros and cons, then this activity is not really for you.
Line 5 says: if you let the 'lowly' activities or thoughts affect you, it will bring trouble.

If you replace 'pleasure/activity' with 'being with them', and 'inferior' with 'parents' then lines 2,4,5 talk about the need for You to stay away from Them, to minimize the duration of contact, as if they are beneath you and only bring you trouble. Or/and it just shows your attitude right now.
Can your husband go visit his parents alone maybe?

Hex 24 is named 'Return', i think it confirms the need to stay away.
--------------------------------------------------
Also, in Huang's book, hex 58 means Talk, so you should talk with or about his parents honestly (line 2) and there's really much to talk about (line 4), but don't be too demanding (line 5). And then hex 24 will be ' The turning point '.
"The time of darkness is past. The winter solstice brings the victory of light. This hexagram is linked with the eleventh month, the month of the solstice (December-January)."



6.1(Dispute) -> 10 (Treading carefully)
Line 1 speaks about trying to avoid the conflict, to don't even mention it.

In my opinion: Your husband is caught between hammer and anvil, and tries to avoid conflict with his parents. He must be very close to them and doesn't want to distance himself away.
So he is treading carefully around the issue ('tiger' from hex 10).


55.3 (Abundance) -> 51(Shock)
Line 3:
The underbrush is of such abundance that the small stars can be seen at noon. He breaks his right arm . No blame.

In the sphere of social relationships, this means that the prince is now so eclipsed that even the most insignificant persons can push themselves into the foreground. This makes it impossible for an able man, though he might be the right hand of the ruler, to undertake anything. It is as though his arm were broken, but he is not to blame for being thus hindered in action.

I think it says you cannot force anything for now. But i hope the eclipse will pass :)

As trojan have said earlier
In my humble opinion, considering all the questions, i think you should try to speak to your husband, about his parents and the problems they are causing. I don't know if that discussion was the cause of you leaving the house earlier...

thank you from the bottom of my heart, I really appreciate the insights you have given me. And yes you are right, any discussion with him causes quarrels and so i'm not sure how n when to discuss this but at least i know now that i need not jump back into the life that God is trying to keep me away from, not until things get resolved.
 

kapoork

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and so today through a common friend he said that he has no problems with me but now he will not reunite with me because his parents are dead against it and he will lose them if he takes this step. coming from and indian society i can understand this but this is just boiling down to the same old thing - his inability to think beyond his family. Yet I dont want to think negatively of the current situation and asked IC about what should be my learning from all this and got 10.5 changing to 38

I'm not sure if IC is telling me to step back or away from this completely but rather to take careful steps. Is this correct?

i then asked what should be my next steps to resolve the issues and got 19.1.2.4.5 to 45 - I am at a loss here.

Please help me out!
 

Tim K

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What should be my learning from all this?
10.5(Treading carefully, conduct) -> 38 (Opposition)

You should conduct yourself carefully around opposing people.

Wilhelm:
"In terms of a human situation, one is handling wild, intractable people. In such a case one's purpose will be achieved if one behaves with decorum. Pleasant manners succeed even with irritable people."

Line 5 "refers to the ruler of the hexagram as a whole. One sees that one has to be resolute in conduct. But at the same time one must remain conscious of the danger connected with such resoluteness, especially if it is to be persevered in. Only awareness of the danger makes success possible."

Proceed carefully.

Hex 38, Wilhelm: "their points of view diverge too widely. In such circumstances one should above all not proceed brusquely, for that would only increase the existing opposition; instead, one should limit oneself
to producing gradual effects in small matters. Here success can still be expected, because the situation is such that the opposition does not preclude all agreement."

Again, proceed carefully.

What should be my next steps to resolve the issues?
19.1.2.4.5 (Approach) -> 45 (Gathering Together)
Hex 19, Wilhelm:
The hexagram as a whole points to a time of joyous, hopeful progress. Spring is approaching. Joy and forbearance bring high and low nearer together. Success is certain. But we must work with determination and perseverance to make full use of the propitiousness of the time.

Hex 10 also speaks of high and low( "The weak follows behind the strong and worries it. The strong, however, acquiesces and does not hurt the weak, because the contact is in good humor and harmless."), so your 2 answers are linked together.

If you look at the trigrams, 19 and 45 are the mirror images of each other. Earth over Lake, Lake over Earth.
Lines 1,2 and 4,5 also correspond to each other (Legge).

Legge talks about first two lines as two subjects accompanying each other, advancing together.
Wilhelm writes: While the three lower lines indicate rise to power and influence, the three
upper lines show the attitude of persons in higher position toward those of lower rank for whom they procure influence.

I keep getting an idea of 1.2 - You and Him, 4.5 - His parents.
---------------
Legge, footnotes:
Line 1 is a strong line in its proper place. The danger is that its subject may be more strong than prudent, hence the caution in requiring firm correctness.

Line 2, as strong, should be in an odd place; but this is more than counterbalanced by the central position, and its correlate in line 5.

Line 4, though weak, is in its proper place, and has for its correlate the strong 1. Hence its advance is 'in the highest style.'

Line 5 is the position of the ruler. It is weak, but being central, and having for its correlate the strong and central 2, we have in it a symbol of authority distrustful of itself, and employing fit agents;--characteristic of the wise ruler.
--------------

Huang calls hex 19 - Prevailing. He writes about the art of gaining influence over people.

All of the lines are positive, I think with sincerity, honesty, and persuasion you can win his parents over.
 
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kapoork

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but I dont want to win them over :(
i dont have the strength in me to even try to live with them, their presence suffocates the life out of me. more introspection is required on my part maybe.

i just asked IC "how does he see this relationship"
43.1.6 > 44

this talks about him encountering some woman, is this some third person entering our relationship who will attract her? i am afraid his parents are already looking for someone for him as they have clearly stated they want him to part ways with me on a permanent basis.

i then asked IC "what does this last month of the year hold for me" and got hex 36 with no changing lines

putting it all together - what does this all mean?
 

kapoork

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i feel internally that he does want me back in his life and since i cannot ask a yes/no question I went ahead and asked "how will he tackle his parents opposition" - I got 37.1.2.5.6 to 46
another reading with so many changing lines
 

kapoork

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and "what does he think about my family" returned me a 39.1.4.5 to 55 :(
 

kapoork

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and finally i asked 'how long will we stay apart' - i'm not sure how IC answers these how-long type of questions but this is what it has to say to me - 9.1.2 changing to 53 which sounds promising but i have no clue how to interpret it against my question.

I'm just putting all my reading below so that you can help me understand the whole picture

"how does he see this relationship" - 43.1.6 > 44
"what does this last month of the year hold for me" - hex 36
"how will he tackle his parents opposition" - 37.1.2.5.6 to 46
"what does he think about my family" - 39.1.4.5 to 55
'how long will we stay apart' - 9.1.2 to 53

thanks!
 

Tim K

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"How does he see this relationship" - 43.1.6(Break-through) -> 44 (Coming to Meet, Seduction)
Hex 44 is all about You, you've entered his life and now pose a threat to a well-established order of things.
You represent the yin line 1, struggling with five yang lines 2-6.

And it looks like he have a tough decision to make.
Wilhelm, Hex 43:
This hexagram signifies on the one hand a break-through after a long accumulation of tension, as a swollen river breaks through its dikes, or in the manner of a cloudburst.
On the other hand, applied to human conditions, it refers to the time when inferior people gradually begin to disappear. Their influence is on the wane; as a result of resolute action, a change in conditions occurs, a break-through. The hexagram is linked with the third month [April-May].

He needs to break-through his parents 'moral wall'. OH! Again you have 2 mirror hexagrams. 43 has one yin line at the top, while 44 has one at the bottom. I think he will make the decision by April.

Conclusion: He sees the relationship as a stimuli to break-through his parents orders, and you have initiated the reaction, though at first he didn't realize what he was getting himself into.

"What does this last month of the year hold for me?" - hex 36(Darkening of the light)
Wilhelm's commentary speaks for itself:
One must not unresistingly let himself be swept along by unfavorable circumstances, nor permit his steadfastness to be shaken. He can avoid this by maintaining his inner light, while remaining outwardly yielding and tractable.
In social intercourse one should not try to be all-knowing. One should let many things pass, without
being duped.
 

Tim K

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"How will he tackle his parents opposition" - 37.1.2.5.6(The Family, Household) to 46 (Pushing Upward)
37 Is all about knowing your place/role in the family. Following the rules set by the husband.

Line 1: Follow the rules.
Line 2: Take care of the family/house.
Line 5 Talks about the King/husband caring/providing for his family, line 6 speaks about his character (order within the family depends on the character of the master of the house).

I'd say he must go through his father, to get his permission to be with you. And (as I gather) being Indian - it's asking a lot! Does his father support him financially?
IC says it is possible, by pushing upward like a grass does, breaking through earth, step by step, if he has enough will to do so.
 

Tim K

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"What does he think about my family?" - 39.1.4.5(Obstacles, Admonishment) -> 55 (Abundance, Fullness)

This one was really hard for me to understand, but after reading three different descriptions i think i got it.
Your family have shown him another way of living. He thinks of it as hex 55, Abundant and full, like 'Sun at midday'.
But he finds himself unable to follow 'the advice', surrounded by obstacles.
Line 1 and 4 speak of tension inside him, that he needs help with it. Line 5 says that help will come when he needs it the most.


'How long will we stay apart?' - 9.1.2(The Taming Power of the Small) to 53(Gradual progress)
Hex 9 (Wilhelm) presents a configuration of circumstances in which a strong element is temporarily held in leash by a weak element. It is only through gentleness that this can have a successful outcome.

Line 1: It lies in the nature of a strong man to press forward. In so doing he encounters obstructions. Therefore he returns to the way suited to his situation, where he is free to advance or to retreat.
Line 2: One would like to press forward, but before going farther one sees from the example of others like oneself that this way is blocked. In such a case, if the effort to push forward is not in harmony with the time, a reasonable and resolute man will not expose himself to a personal rebuff, but will retreat with others of like mind.

Stay put, you can't do anything. You have an option to retreat completely from this situation.

Hex 53 just confirms it, slow progress.
Wilhelm: The development of events that leads to a girl's following a man to his home proceeds slowly. The various formalities must be disposed of before the marriage takes place.

The essential factor is a correct way of development through cultivation of one's own personality. No influence such as that exerted by agitators has a lasting effect.

I think you get the picture now, from all the readings.
Either try to speak with his parents(esp. the father directly), or wait for him to "grow a pair".

p.s. I've seen in one tv-show how a beloved daughter canceled the arranged marriage at the last moment, the parents were furious (also an Indian family), the daughter moved to another country and her father cut her off financially. She was very depressed at first, but then slowly she started to appreciate her new 'free' life.
 

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I am having the hardest time trying to just let things progress like they are. I ended up with a few more reading today - and i'm really not even sure if im asking the right set of questions :(

regarding my broken marriage i wanted to know what my husband is planning to do before this year ends and got the reading 9.1.3.5.6 to 7

he says he wants us to reunite but will not do anything as his parents dont want it - does the reading suggest anything that might be positive, any action he might take towards making it work?

What does he feel about me? --- 59.5 to 4

how does he see his future - with me or without - 4.1 to 41

what can I do to bring true love back into my life - 10.1.4.5 to 4

i've just learnt that he's planning to spend the year end with him family, parents, sisters and their families. and since i have no support from anybody on that side i fear they just might talk him into filing for a divorce taking us back to the day we actually separated :'(

Is the IChing with hex 4's telling me to stop asking more questions?
 

kapoork

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I am having the hardest time trying to just let things progress like they are. I ended up with a few more reading today - and i'm really not even sure if im asking the right set of questions :(

regarding my broken marriage i wanted to know what my husband is planning to do before this year ends and got the reading 9.1.3.5.6 to 7

he says he wants us to reunite but will not do anything as his parents dont want it - does the reading suggest anything that might be positive, any action he might take towards making it work?

What does he feel about me? --- 59.5 to 4

how does he see his future - with me or without - 4.1 to 41

what can I do to bring true love back into my life - 10.1.4.5 to 4

i've just learnt that he's planning to spend the year end with him family, parents, sisters and their families. and since i have no support from anybody on that side i fear they just might talk him into filing for a divorce taking us back to the day we actually separated :'(

Is the IChing with hex 4's telling me to stop asking more questions?
 

Tim K

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What my husband is planning to do before this year ends? 9.1.3.5.6 to 7

He can't do much, again we have here the 9th hexagram. One weak line holds in check all the other ones, and on the other hand in hex 7 one strong line rules the other weak ones.
Wilhelm:
The situation is not unfavorable; there is a prospect of ultimate success, but there are still obstacles
in the way, and we can merely take preparatory measures. Only through the small means of friendly persuasion can we exert any influence. The time has not yet come for sweeping measures.

He needs to gather his strength, to realize that only he is the master of his life, he must take the ruling position (2nd line in hex 7).

What does he feel about me? 59.5 to 4
You are his stimuli to change the situation.
Wilhelm, line 5:
Just as an illness reaches its crisis in a dissolving sweat, so a great stimulating idea is a true salvation in times of general deadlock.

To get free he must behave like a spring of water (hex 4). Yi has already described this by showing you hex 19, a plant that is pushing through the earth, step by step.

Wilhelm: A spring wells up at the foot of the mountain:
The image of YOUTH.
Thus the superior man fosters his character by thoroughness in all that he does.

A spring succeeds in flowing on and escapes stagnation by filling up all the hollow places in its path. In the same way character is developed by thoroughness that skips nothing but, like water, gradually and steadily fills up all gaps and so flows onward.

How does he see his future - with me or without - 4.1 to 41
At the moment he feels like he must lose you for a while.

Wilhelm, line 1: Youth in its inexperience is inclined at first to take everything carelessly and playfully. It must be shown the seriousness of life. A certain measure of taking oneself in hand, brought about by strict discipline, is a good thing. He who plays with life never amounts to anything.

He must learn to be serious.

Hex 41 is named Decrease, but it is not permanent. I think there his real feelings about you will come up, and it will lead to action, or not.

What can I do to bring true love back into my life? - 10.1.4.5 to 4
Now you've got the 'Treading carefully' hex, as did your husband earlier, and also 'The youthful folly" one.

Wilhelm, line 1: We can quietly follow our predilections as long as we are content and make not demands on people.

Line 4: Be cautious in your conduct, but keep believing in yourself.
Line 5: Be resolute, but keep in mind the danger of being too forceful.

Hex 4, be open to the lessons of life, acknowledge that you are not perfect, learn on your mistakes.

yicard4.jpg


And you should really cool down your M16, sister, stop firing questions :)
Allow your mind to absorb the answers, You are starting to go in circles here.
 
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kapoork

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ok so after a gap of 6 days (which seems like a really long time to me) I asked the IChing what will happen if I stop sending him messages (the only little we communicate now is through messages on the phone - little quotes, jokes - and once I sent him a quote saying 'if you miss me i hope you know i didn't go, you let me go' - i really felt like saying that to him and the quote help me put it across but he seemed to get angry again and replied with 'you should learn one thing that love is about giving not receiving' and also 'do you want to start this again?' which I interpret as do i want to start the verbal fight again - so i just replied with a picture of God) - but after that he has stopped responding to my 'good morning' and 'good night' messages. I was wondering what would happen if i stopped sending the messages altogether. We are heading into a winter break and won't be seeing each other at all until the next year and i really wanted to know whether I will lose him forever during this time if i stopped sending him messages or would it be a time when he might actually start missing me since there will be no contact what so ever. My fear and anxiety also stems from the fact that during this time he will be with his entire family.
And to cut the long story short - my reading resulted in Hex 2 (unchanging) - I checked a lot of shared readings and they say this card means to let things be - so i'm not sure how to proceed - to continue sending or to stop?
 

kapoork

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two more questions - and my own interpretations scare me.
please help

how will things be if i continue like this - 47.2.4.5 chaning to 2
what can i do to make my life better - 61.1.4 to 6
 

Trojina

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You haven't acknowledged the long and detailed reply you received from Ashteroid .

Also you seem to be asking same questions over and over so it seems a good time just to stay with the answers you already do have ?
 

Tim K

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What will happen if I stop sending him messages? Hex 2
Hex 2 tells you to yield and follow, plus there are no changing lines, so it probably won't matter what you do.
Don't try to be a leader in this situation, maybe just send him a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year text, and expect nothing.
I do believe that sometimes separation is helpful, being alone for a while it will help you both to re-examine your feelings.

How will things be if i continue like this?
47.2.4.5(Oppression, Exhaustion) -> 2 (Receptive)

I think the Yi tells you again, be calm and receptive, nothing to do now but wait.
Wilhelm:
It is true that for the time being outward influence is denied him, because his words have no effect. Therefore in times of adversity it is important to be strong within and sparing of words.
---------
Line 2, Wilhelm: "Externally, all is well, one has meat and drink. But one is exhausted by the commonplaces of life, and there seems to be no way of escape.
...
Here a disagreeable situation must be overcome by patience of spirit"
You have all the things you need, but you are exhausted by the problems in your life, the help is coming but not yet.

James Legge comments about these lines:
The three strong lines in the figure (2, 4, and 5) are all held to represent 'superior men;' and their being straitened is not in their persons or estates, but in their principles which are denied development.
Hence the subject of 2 is straitened while he fares sumptuously. His correlate in 5, though not quite proper, occupies the ruler's place, and comes to his help.

Let 2 cultivate his sincerity and do the work of the hexagram as if he were sacrificing to spiritual beings; and then, if he keep quiet, all will be well.

What can i do to make my life better?
61.1.4(Inner Truth) -> 6 (Dispute)
That is a general and even a philosophical question you are asking :)

Realize that there is a conflict inside you, turn inwards and locate the opposing elements.
61.1 -> 59 Disperse them, ungroup/scatter/disband
and then 59.4 -> 6 create new groups from hand-picked elements that you need most, or as Michael Daniels puts it: "4. Regroup around new ideals and principles."

Hope this helps in your tough situation.
 
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kapoork

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thank you @ashteroid for all your help. Have a Merry Christmas and a great New Year!
 

kapoork

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Hi
sorry for bringing my questions here again n again but this is the only source of help i have left. After over 15days of no communication between us (i did send him a message to wish him for Christmas and New Years and did not get any replies) and today a common friend called and told me that many people from my husbands family spoke to him and its very clear they do not want us to reunite and that my husband too feels that divorce is maybe the only solution and he should listen to his parents, but the common friend mentioned that he does not really want the divorce, the common friend also kept blaming me for creating the mess i am in and that i should be willing to go all out to make things better with my husbands family despite my trying to convince him that there is nothing left between me and his family unless my husband first values my presence in his life and is willing to accept our marriage for what it is rather than the marrigae being a showpiece for society or for his family. As is evident my inner balance got messed up and I came back to IC for help.
I did a series of readings with the following outcomes
1)what is going on? - 23 unchanging
2)why is he not coming to me - 51.6 changing to 21
3)what are my feeling for him (i was so upset i thought it was necessary to know if i still love him even though i feel i do) - 33 unchanging
4) what happens if i stop all communication - 8.5 changing to 2
5) does he want me back in his life - 38.1 changing to 64 (this one really troubles me)

and after I calmed down and read Hillary's post on relationship readings again - I asked
6) whats the best attitude to take towards this relationship - 53.3 changing to 20

Am i supposed to just sit and watch as things unfold, do any of the reading tell me clearly what path i should be taking - please help me understand all these reading and what I should learn from them.
Thank you!
 

Tim K

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1)What is going on? - 23 unchanging
Wilhelm: This pictures a time when inferior people are pushing forward and are about to crowd out the few remaining strong and superior men. Under these circumstances, which are due to the time, it is not favorable for the superior man to undertake anything.
Your marriage is being shattered, by his relatives pressing him. He is overwhelmed.

2)Why is he not coming to me? - 51.6 changing to 21.
Wilhelm: When inner shock is at its height, it robs a man of reflection and clarity of
vision. In such a state of shock it is of course impossible to act with presence of mind. Then the right thing is to keep still until composure and clarity are restored.

He is in shock, he can't think straight. He must bite-through the obstacles first, regain his consciousness.

3)What are my feelings for him? - 33 unchanging
Your feelings begin to fade. Wilhelm: In the calendar this hexagram is linked with the sixth month (July-August),
in which the forces of winter are already showing their influence.


4) What happens if i stop all communication? - 8.5 changing to 2
You take a passive position, being more accepting, waiting for the right man to go your way, not pursuing anything, not trying to force your will.

5) Does he want me back in his life? - 38.1 changing to 64 (Not yet complete)
Wilhelm 38.1: Remorse dwindles. If you lose your horse, do not run after it. It will come back itself. When you see bad people, guard yourself against mistakes.

When opposition begins to manifest itself, a man must not try to bring about unity by force, for by so doing he would only achieve the contrary, just as a horse goes farther and farther away if one runs after it.
If it is one's own horse, one can safely let it go; it will come back of its own accord.

I think he wants you to come back by yourself, but he is being oppressed by his family and he feels like he can't do anything but wait.

6) What's the best attitude to take towards this relationship? - 53.3 changing to 20
Wilhelm, 53.3: If we do not let things develop quietly but plunge of our own choice too rashly into a struggle, misfortune results. A man jeopardizes his own life, and his family perishes thereby. However, this is not all necessary; it is only the result of transgressing the law of natural development. If one does not willfully provoke a conflict, but confines himself to vigorously maintaining his own position and to warding off unjustified attacks, all goes well.

M.Daniels, 53.3: Fruitless advance leads to trouble.
So, as h20 says: Stand back and look at the situation.

kapoork said:
Am i supposed to just sit and watch as things unfold
Yes.
Maybe you can let your husband know that you are really waiting for him, that you really love him and want to be with him no matter what till the end of days.
 

kapoork

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thank you ashteroid for clearing the path for me.
1)What is going on? - 23 unchanging
Wilhelm: This pictures a time when inferior people are pushing forward and are about to crowd out the few remaining strong and superior men. Under these circumstances, which are due to the time, it is not favorable for the superior man to undertake anything.
Your marriage is being shattered, by his relatives pressing him. He is overwhelmed.

2)Why is he not coming to me? - 51.6 changing to 21.
Wilhelm: When inner shock is at its height, it robs a man of reflection and clarity of
vision. In such a state of shock it is of course impossible to act with presence of mind. Then the right thing is to keep still until composure and clarity are restored.

He is in shock, he can't think straig


















































ht. He must bite-through the obstacles first, regain his consciousness.

3)What are my feelings for him? - 33 unchanging
Your feelings begin to fade. Wilhelm: In the calendar this hexagram is linked with the sixth month (July-August),
in which the forces of winter are already showing their influence.


4) What happens if i stop all communication? - 8.5 changing to 2
You take a passive position, being more accepting, waiting for the right man to go your way, not pursuing anything, not trying to force your will.

5) Does he want me back in his life? - 38.1 changing to 64 (Not yet complete)
Wilhelm 38.1: Remorse dwindles. If you lose your horse, do not run after it. It will come back itself. When you see bad people, guard yourself against mistakes.

When opposition begins to manifest itself, a man must not try to bring about unity by force, for by so doing he would only achieve the contrary, just as a horse goes farther and farther away if one runs after it.
If it is one's own horse, one can safely let it go; it will come back of its own accord.

I think he wants you to come back by yourself, but he is being oppressed by his family and he feels like he can't do anything but wait.

6) What's the best attitude to take towards this relationship? - 53.3 changing to 20
Wilhelm, 53.3: If we do not let things develop quietly but plunge of our own choice too rashly into a struggle, misfortune results. A man jeopardizes his own life, and his family perishes thereby. However, this is not all necessary; it is only the result of transgressing the law of natural development. If one does not willfully provoke a conflict, but confines himself to vigorously maintaining his own position and to warding off unjustified attacks, all goes well.

M.Daniels, 53.3: Fruitless advance leads to trouble.
So, as h20 says: Stand back and look at the situation.


Yes.
Maybe you can let your husband know that you are really waiting for him, that you really love him and want to be with him no matter what till the end of days.
 
G

goddessliss

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Hi karpoork - for the most part I think any marriage/relationship breakdown is totally confusing because where do you go from here. I feel 53.3>20 is saying get on with your life for a while and get some support to get grounded so you can step back a bit and contemplate Hex 20 - it could be counselling, yoga - whatever it is that will help you just stepping back for a while and not relentlessly trying to find away to make it all better. - Liss
 

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