Ghosting -

[WindRose]

Hi everyone!

I already asked here for some help with a weird "relationship" and now, I need help with a second weird "relationship"

I've been dating a guy for 2/3 months and in the beginning he was really "committed" towards me. He made plans to see me, he was always writing and calling. He told me he really liked me. I have trust issues and some tendency to be avoidant but I'm seeing a therapist to solve those issues. Sometimes I felt overwhelmed, but I tried not to run away because I felt he was genuine and I really liked him

We started to get closer and about a moth ago we got intimate. It was a beautiful night toghether, we talked about places to visit (he asked me to go on holiday with him for three weeks), we both were really happy and stayed up talking and laughting untill 5am. He made a lot of jokes about marriage and kids... The only thing that went wrong is that we stopped by at his parents' home to take his dog and he wanted me to meet them, but I am really shy and felt it was too soon. His mother arrived in that moment, in front of the house by bike and I got back into the car. We weren't in front of the house, and it was dark, so I really though she didn't see me, but she saw me and said I had been rude.
We talked about this later and it didn't seem a problem to him, he just said, the next time. He also told me he spoke for an entire night about me with his parents and asked me if I told my parents about him and I said it was too early to me...

Anyways, the nigh was amasing to me. The next day I woke up so happy about it. Happy that maybe I've found someone I can trust and with whom I can be myself.

But from the next day something changed. He didn't write me, so I wrote him and he seemed cold. This went on for about a month. Some days he seemed cold, other he was as usual. He went on talking about the holiday toghether, told me he talked with his boss to switch a week so that it could be easier to me. But in weekes he didn't asked me out. I tried, but he was always tired and in the weekend, for about four or five weekends I had plans I already made before meeting him that I couldn't cancel...

After that night we saw each other twice. We trained toghether. I also met his parents. But both of the times, he didn't even kiss me goodbye and we didn't spend the night toghether. He made some jokes as usual, like if we should think about getting a house in a place we liked...

Last week he told me about how insecure he is. That everytime he finds something difficoult, he just freeze..... Also, I think he's a bit feeling a difference between us because I am an engineer and he didn't finish college. This isn't absolutely a problem to me, but I think since he is a man and I am a woman, he feels intimidated by this and also by the differences in our jobs.

Anyways, two days ago I wrote him to ask for clarification. I told him I really like him, but I felt some distance and that it was difficoult to me going on this way. I asked to tell me whether it is just he is afraid of getting hurt, that if so, we could talk about it since I'm afraid too. And if instead he just is not interested anymore in getting to know me, that he just tell me. Cause I have no interest in staying in someone's like if he's not happy about it.

And.......... Radio silcence since!!!! This never happened to me before and I think not answering someone in one of the rudes and baddest things to do. I'm really sad about it.

I've done some casts:

1) why is he behaving like this? 31.2.6>44
I have issues in understanding this cast.

2) I think he won't answer. Is it as I think or should I wait? 57 unchanging
I've read on a site that 57 uc could mean "Any barriers to intimacy or union will eventually erode in the same way the Wind will chisel away a mountain over time. Actions speak louder than words and you may need to prove to another that you can be trusted. This may take some time so be patient and persevering". So maybe I should just give him space and wait...

3) what is he feeling towards me? 38 unchanging
With this question I didn't mean to ask his feelings towards me, but what he feels. He feels estrangement. Does this mean he lost interest or he's feeling distant in a way that doesn't make him happy?

4) what feelings does he have for me? 20.3.5>52
Maybe he's not sure about his feelings. He doesn't know whether to advance or retreat. But line 5... Does it mean he wants to split apart? 52 I think is our situation right now.

5)is it really over? 50.6>32
I really don't understand line 6. But from 50 and 32, it seems like something is just cooking...

6) am I right thinking he's "just" afraid? 50.1.3>28
50 again. The caldron is clogged and the ting handle breaks. And 28, right now he's very stressed. I think it could mean he must let go of his fears and right now he is blocked...

7)Should I write him again? 1.1>44
Do not act! This is pretty clear.

8)How are things going to be between us? 53.3.5>23
The man goes and does not return in line 3... But in line five things are about to change... And splitting is how right now is the situation?

I know I shouldn't do so many casts, but right now I'm in confusion. In just a few month it is the second weir "relationship" I'm experiencing after years being alone (because of a choice I made) and I'm feeling so frustrated right now.

Thanks to everyone in advance! I'd really appreciate some help!

 

[my_key]

It can be difficult not to get drawn into multi-casting when we feel in a spin. in my experience the more casts I make the faster I spin. I'll stick to interpreting just a couple of these casts ( your first and last) in an effort to apply the brakes.
Maybe if you spend more time working on the quality of your interpretations rather than the quantity you will become better positioned to make the wood stand out from the trees.

1) why is he behaving like this? 31.2.6>44
I have issues in understanding this cast.

31<>44
He is behaving like this because he has got caught up in a lot of old habitual behaviours that he is now allowing to influence him. As 44 is also the nuclear of 31 it will be fair to say that there are deep motivations for his change in behaviour. He may even have switched unknowingly to autopilot. In which case his behaviours most likely have nothing to do with you directly. There is a call in this reading for inner rebalance followed by applied new wisdom.

8)How are things going to be between us? 53.3.5>23
The man goes and does not return in line 3... But in line five things are about to change... And splitting is how right now is the situation?

53 <>23
The overall flavour of your relationship is not a nice tasting one, something is rotten(23) and a change of flavour will be best shaped through the actions and strength towards goals based in the feminine(53). Yi advocates 'residing in eminence, power and virtue to improve the vulgar' as the best way forward and if one of you, or both acting in tandem, can achieve that then a slow and gradual improvement in matters will be possible. The challenge in the relationship is to be able see things for what they are and to be able to safely hold and gradually transform the complexities that are unfolding between you.

53.3 - A wedge is driven in and has created a divide. Chaos is attempting to rule the roost. The right road can be found through the decisions that are made.
53.5 - You will have to clamber over a few graves to change the structure that currently exists between you.

... or it might mean nothing like this at all for you.

Good Luck

 

[revolverocelot]

Hi WindRose, I'm new here and I'll try give you some input about some of your readings. Take them with a grain of salt as they are my personal opinion and interpretations.

First, I think you are right in saying that asking multiple questions sometimes can bring a sense of confusion and you don't want that in the scenario you talked about. On the other hand, your reaction is natural since ghosting and the "hot and cold" attitude it is just childish and can bring that sense of uncertainty that is not pleasant at all.

1) That kind of question is not the best way to approach a reading, you should not ask of what "person X" is thinking. If I have force an analysis, I will say that he maybe backing off for some personal problem that he needs to resolve not by words, in particular that kind of "inferiority complex" you talked about. Maybe he sees you being "too powerful" for him or maybe there are other reason. Or he is using withdrawing as a means of seduction. But these are my two cents on the question.

2) Hex 57 unchanging can symbolize a moment of "penetration" and comprehension of something, a cerebral action you do like a gentle wind. You are trying to understand a situation and try do it with grace, maybe leaving him some space and going on with your activities and life. But be gentle toward yourself too, and don't panic in overthinking even if the situation is difficult. Be patient.

5) I'll skip to this question because I got this hex different times. It could predict something positive generally: in my personal experience, I got that during a period of harmony in a particular relationship, in works and finances etc.

In summarizing all the other readings I've not written about, maybe it's time for you for backing off a little too: when and if he will contact you, you will decide how to act.

I'll try to go more in depth on maybe after. In the meantime, I hope you'll find this little personal insights of some help.

 

[moss elk]

I've done some casts:

1) why is he behaving like this? 31.2.6>44
I have issues in understanding this cast.

He is open to... ahem, coupling.

Line 6 is empty words. Small talk, pillow talk, maybe he likes the sound of his own voice....

3) what is he feeling towards me? 38 unchanging

Maybe that you two are different,
maybe too different.

4) what feelings does he have for me? 20.3.5>52

Could this be talking to you directly?
Observe his Stillness.
& after comprehension of it...
you'll know what to do.

7)Should I write him again? 1.1>44
Do not act! This is pretty clear.

You got it.


I witnessed a prolonged slow motion ghosting here:

18 1.3.5.6 -> 60 How to fix this relationship and get closer again?

Dear IC lovers, I NEED HELP :cloud: I've been on this long distance relationship for one year - we have seen each other 4 times since then and lived something beautiful and intense. But for him it was too difficult to be so far away and after I came back home he was quite depressive, telling...

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

 

[rosada]

1) He is behaving like this because 31.2 he doesn't care to go any further with the friendship and also he has 31.6 said things, made plans, he doesn't intend to fulfill. 44. Could point to him feeling guilty about having a relationship. He sounds like a bit of a mama's boy to me.

2) Are you right in assuming he wont answer or should you wait?
57. The truth gradually becomes obvious. Also could indicate you got to know each other very deeply very quickly and now you need to step back and let him see if he can handle the sort of soul to soul contact you are ready for. Perhaps your love is better expressed as "friends" rather than "lovers".

3) His feelings towards you?
36. Siblings.
Interesting how quickly he wanted to introduce you to the rest of his family. This answer also makes me consider you might reconnect as close friends.

5) Is it really over?
50.6 - 32
The Caldron changing to Duration reads to me like something that continues but I'm cynical enough to think the I Ching could be saying "You'll always have Paris!" (For those who hae never seen the movie, that's a line from Casablanca meaning you'll always have fond memories.)

4) His feelings towards you?
20.3.5 - 52
He is only looking at his immediate circumstances. He is not stressed about the way things are between the two of you. His feelings are not disturbed.

6) Are you right in thinking he's just afraid?
50.1.3 - 28 ? You mean 38 I think.
Anyway, I don't read these lines as indicating fear so much as saying something wasn't right in the arrangement. You mention he's had stress lately so it may be he just didn't feel he had the time for it just now.

7) Should you write him?
1.1 - 44.
Certainly not yet!

8) How are things going to be?
53.3.5 - 23
I think this is saying you shed your connection as lovers to see if there's a possibility of any sort of connection.

 

[moss elk]

'siblings' appears nowhere in hex 38, or it's lines.

It's taken from nearly useless and unintentionally misleading commentary instead of the actual words & meaning that are present. And the commentary that it came from mentions sisters specifically, not siblings.

Overall, it's best to drop this idea, it does not serve, and was not written by Wen or his Son.

 

[Trojina]

....there's this if you've not yet seen it

Blog post: Advice for relationship readings

Most people seem to get started with the Yijing by asking about a relationship. It’s a good way to start: it’s present, immediate and something you care about – when you ask these questions, you’re really asking them. It’s also potentially tricky, that mix of getting started with overwhelming...

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

....my impression on reading your initial post was that he was really forcing the pace. Several times you said you weren't comfortable with that

. He made a lot of jokes about marriage and kids... The only thing that went wrong is that we stopped by at his parents' home to take his dog and he wanted me to meet them, but I am really shy and felt it was too soon.

We talked about this later and it didn't seem a problem to him, he just said, the next time. He also told me he spoke for an entire night about me with his parents and asked me if I told my parents about him and I said it was too early to me...

...he spoke for an entire night talking to his parents about you? Why, that's freaky.

It feels like his family is very religious and want him married to someone they approve of?


Sounds like it went wrong once you'd had sex

We started to get closer and about a moth ago we got intimate. It was a beautiful night toghether, we talked about places to visit (he asked me to go on holiday with him for three weeks),

Before that you were dating right ?....then you had sex....and then suddenly he has to speak to his parents about you and you have to meet them. I'm guessing this is a religious family, he has told his parents he had sex with you, they really don't approve, now seeing you as not 'marriage material' so he dumped you.

That's the story it looks like but I could be way off but why involve both his parents in the relationship soon after you had sex...this all night talk he had with them I envisage as him 'confessing' he had sex with you.

Might he be a Mormon or something like that?

1) why is he behaving like this? 31.2.6>44

31.2 presses forward too soon, like he did.....he got over excited perhaps in seeing a future together and now mum and dad have said 'no'. Could that be it? I mean at any stage in my youth or later life if a boy/man said he'd been talking about me all night to his parents I'd be a bit freaked out. It seems invasive. One wonders what they would be saying about you for hours on end, do they think you are a danger or something? Maybe, maybe they see you as a harlot, there's the 44 there....maybe they were saying 'look son, you've been tempted by the devil, you should be a virgin for your marriage'.


I could have been watching too many of those American bad movies where things like that happen but the whole parental thing must have something to do with how he is acting and I don't say that because of Yi answers but because I read your first post

3) what is he feeling towards me? 38 unchanging
With this question I didn't mean to ask his feelings towards me, but what he feels. He feels estrangement. Does this mean he lost interest or he's feeling distant in a way that doesn't make him happy?

Well going with my theory above that this is a very religious family he's just coming from a completely different perspective or angle than you are. You think it's about developing a relationship for the sake of it, he has an agenda to get married like his parents want him to. It's clear from your first post that the problem began when you pulled back from meeting his parents so showing less inclination to do the whole family bit. So he's after a wife his parents will accept whilst you are after a good relationship for it's own sake. If you aren't marriage material 'they' don't want to know so he ghosted you.

Or to borrow Mykey's catchphrase 'it may be nothing like that at all'. Mykey should start selling t shirts with that on, I'd buy one.

 

[moss elk]

Or to borrow Mykey's catchphrase 'it may be nothing like that at all'. Mykey should start selling t shirts with that on, I'd buy one.

I chuckle every time he writes it.

Reminds me of the weatherman who says,
'Today will be sunny, partly cloudy, with a chance of rain."

It's a nice 'C. Y. A. '
Love ya Mikey. ;]

 

[marybluesky]

Hello!

1) why is he behaving like this? 31.2.6>44
He thinks he shouldn't be carried away with this strong attraction & tries to keep it light.

2) I think he won't answer. Is it as I think or should I wait? 57 unchanging
Maybe you'll gain some information little by little.

3) what is he feeling towards me? 38 unchanging
He feels alienated at this moment.

4) what feelings does he have for me? 20.3.5>52
He's hesitant, the feelings come and go, and he is observing his own life. He doesn't want to change the situation.

5)is it really over? 50.6>32
Not sure, but you- the cauldron- will be in a good shape and continue your own life.

6) am I right thinking he's "just" afraid? 50.1.3>28
I don't think he's "just" afraid, although something is too much for him to carry out, so remains inactive at this moment. 50.1 says he's not averse to have a concubine- maybe he'll open up just for sex? Be aware.

7)Should I write him again? 1.1>44
No. Don't act.

8)How are things going to be between us? 53.3.5>23
It's not an easy cast to read. I'd say, he's gone- at least he won't come the way you want; but this doesn't destroy your good fortune in the end.

 

[my_key]

I chuckle every time he writes it.

Reminds me of the weatherman who says,
'Today will be sunny, partly cloudy, with a chance of rain."

It's a nice 'C. Y. A. '
Love ya Mikey. ;]

It's forever surprising to me how different people assign different motivations to an action or a set of words - mine or anyone else. You see me covering my ass I see me inviting the querent to find a closer personal relationship with Yi.

As I have voiced many times before, my conversation with Yi about another persons question may not be the conversation that Yi is intending them to hear. To my mind, it's much better they hear their own conversation and find their own meaning - i.e. what the reading means to them and not what their reading means for me.

Love ya more Mossy !!! Keep chuckling.

 

[moss elk]

It's forever surprising to me how different people assign different motivations to an action or a set of words - mine or anyone else.

I do actually see you doing
multi layered things, with depth,
and sincerity.

I'm happy that you weren't terribly offended.