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Should I accept to... 56.5

CheersC

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Should I accept to drink something with this guy? He's a traveler, he's foreign, we met 4 times during his work. He makes a lot of questions. I liked his bro but he gave me many attentions first.

56.5 pheasant flying by gets shot with one arrow, of if the traveler just quickly whips off a shot at the bird which misses and the arrow is lost but he just keeps on trucking on and eventually finds a good situation suitable for this line.
Well, he just had that idea, I told him "ok" and that I will come back soon (but with a friend, otherwise it would be too intimate, serious and embarrassing for me ahahah).
But... I think he meant evening after he works.....




Second casting: "should I involve someone else to drink together?" (not just me and him, but maybe his nice bro or a quiet friend of mine).
58 (joy hexagram) unchanging... It seems it is better, right? A friend of mine says 58 unchanging is not as quiet as it seems though. I'm confused.


Third casting : how should I behave with him when I see him again( during his work) ?
(I go to buy and chat and he invites me out hahah)
31.4 Influence on the back. Hm... Stick to ur principles.. Hmmm
 
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mandarin_23

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Hello CheersC,

a nice reading!

56.5 is comforting. This line is just the heart of the upper firy trigram. And the reading relates to 33, withdrawing, which is also withdrawing light - the afternoon maybe, or the evening?

58 unchanged is not such a clear answer. As a person, it is the younger sister. All about joy and communication … but maybe it is you, the communicating person? As an answer, it might not say much more than: just enjoy?

And 31.4., no worries.

All the best!

Mandarine_23
 

CheersC

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Hello CheersC,

a nice reading!

56.5 is comforting. This line is just the heart of the upper firy trigram. And the reading relates to 33, withdrawing, which is also withdrawing light - the afternoon maybe, or the evening?

58 unchanged is not such a clear answer. As a person, it is the younger sister. All about joy and communication … but maybe it is you, the communicating person? As an answer, it might not say much more than: just enjoy?

And 31.4., no worries.

All the best!

Mandarine_23
Hey Mandarine, thank you a lot!!!
I didn't expect it. Withdrawing light, he insisted with the late evening, he doesn't want during the day, he finds more excuses than me, eheh. Can it mention lies?
Otherwise it can indicate late afternoon because it is dark soon.
By the way, if the casting is good then I will trust it, but... I'm not good with the hour... He may contact me soon and I'm a bit scared, idk why. And anxious. And i dont know what to do or say.
After that I won't see him again for a while.


About the hexagram 58, well, it's me and a few girls. I don't know why it mentions the younger sister hmm... Is it only for females?
 

mandarin_23

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Hi CheersC,
well I don't know, but simply don't think that 33 means lies. Maybe it relates to the general situation of a Traveller, someone you won't see again for a while then, as you write, someone who maybe just goes his own paths, not all too involved in the foreign society (s)he meets as a traveller. There is a certain independance of the person in this situation.
And 58, I think, can be any girls, and doesn't have to be the "younger sister" as a person. And then, why not read the text of several lines there - being just open, which is good, and of course not all too open, and not trusting all too quickly.
And I don't think ist only for females, 58 is situation for everybody. On the other hand, it is a double female trigram, and so this might apply for your evening out. And if it is unchanged, then there is hexagram 2 as a Yang change pattern in it. It probably says - you are guided. You don't need to lead. Just be there, and this will be fine!
All the best, Mandarine
 

CheersC

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Hi CheersC,
well I don't know, but simply don't think that 33 means lies. Maybe it relates to the general situation of a Traveller, someone you won't see again for a while then, as you write, someone who maybe just goes his own paths, not all too involved in the foreign society (s)he meets as a traveller. There is a certain independance of the person in this situation.
And 58, I think, can be any girls, and doesn't have to be the "younger sister" as a person. And then, why not read the text of several lines there - being just open, which is good, and of course not all too open, and not trusting all too quickly.
And I don't think ist only for females, 58 is situation for everybody. On the other hand, it is a double female trigram, and so this might apply for your evening out. And if it is unchanged, then there is hexagram 2 as a Yang change pattern in it. It probably says - you are guided. You don't need to lead. Just be there, and this will be fine!
All the best, Mandarine
Until now he hasn't written.
He told me only last week he wanted to go out etc, i didnt give him my number because he already has a social media of mine. Probably I could have given him a chance before, but well... I felt like the evening out was premature! Also, he's leaving very soon and I'm not sure why he hasn't proposed a day off for me, or a break during his job... He seemed not liking it. But he insisted with the late evening when i was saying a coffee or during the afternoon. He said he works but for what I know he sometimes has the day off.
About the girls, maybe it means I will see them on my own and we will be only girls xd!

So far it seems he wants to do things his own way. Probably he has met somebody else during this month... Perhaps he had other evenings out...
Who knows.
We'll see.

Thanks Mandarin
 
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mandarin_23

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Ah CheersC you really don't know and can't tell … there is so many reasons all the time with things like that. We all tend to think "Maybe he has met someone else" etc., but --- who knows. Maybe not!
Best thing is to - enjoy your time! Like hexagram 58.
 

CheersC

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Ah CheersC you really don't know and can't tell … there is so many reasons all the time with things like that. We all tend to think "Maybe he has met someone else" etc., but --- who knows. Maybe not!
Best thing is to - enjoy your time! Like hexagram 58.
Enjoying my time anyways?
Or enjoying with him?
Ah by the way I don't think he would involve others... He looked like he doesn't want ppl around <_<"
But he didn't write to me so far!! Ahahaha we'll see. Thanks again

Btw, could u please take a look also on the casting with hexagram 32 (question on how to get to know a person)?
I'd appreciate it
 
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CheersC

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You said 31.4, but 'influence in the back" is 31.5

Which line did you get, 4 or 5?
(they have very different meanings)
31.4
Thanks for pointing it out (I had checked the wrong version of the line).
Sorry for the mistake, I'm fixing it.
Line 4 says :
If a man is agitated in mind,
And his thoughts go hither and thither,
Only those friends
On whom he fixes his conscious thoughts
Will follow.

(2 of my friends helped a lot in this situation, they helped me reduce the intensity for the thought and the fears about the fact he was very interested in seeing me. Thing that didn't make me comfortable, as I didn't know what to expect and how to control things. Which didn't happen in 10 days, he only said let's drink give me ur number than who saw him?xD he's waiting for his departure maybe...very minding only his own business...).
I acted nice though... As always.
 
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CheersC

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I just can't believe that in 10 days (neither a month) he didn't write to me.
I bet he would say it's my fault because I didn't look convinced and he didn't know if i could come.
Well, i had done my part by asking in the afternoon... And that i didn't know for the last day.
But it's obvious he wants to do what he wants despite the fact I will have little time for him on Sunday.
He does not know i have not taxi or car at late night and it's work day on Monday (he looks never tired).
I bet he had invited someone else to drink with during the week and the month.
And I'm spared for the last day. Which forces me to stay more than i could. I should have made it clear before probably...!
And Maybe. Because i think we won't hang out...
Whtat if he expects a message from me? o_O or if he expected to see me? Every time he sees me he said let's go drinking... But it didn't happen.
Is it my fault?...

Well I guess that:
Option 1=if he writes I'm forced to do what he wants, and manage to come back late even if the ones who can fetch me have to go to bed at decent times.

Option 2= i think he won't see me. :/
 

mandarin_23

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Hi CheersC, there is no such thing as "your fault"! Definitively not. This guy makes you feel insecure and uncomfortable … and this is not your fault and maybe even not his fault. Sometimes, in my experience, the other feels the same and then it's just not right. For me, it is a parameter with People - when I meet the right people, it just feels right and sweet. Maybe 31.4 ist about over-thinking!
All the best, Mandarine
 

CheersC

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Hi CheersC, there is no such thing as "your fault"! Definitively not. This guy makes you feel insecure and uncomfortable … and this is not your fault and maybe even not his fault. Sometimes, in my experience, the other feels the same and then it's just not right. For me, it is a parameter with People - when I meet the right people, it just feels right and sweet. Maybe 31.4 ist about over-thinking!
All the best, Mandarine
Yes we could have met before if we went with the flow, with something fast and quick like drinking a tea or something. He yelled at me he couldn't cuz he was working, when I mentioned this! XD I'm sure he had other people around,or he finds it extremely natural, otherwise he would have found a compromise since he is more cheeky than me.

I would stop overthinking but in addition to my anxiety also my family started to mind my business, it's private stuff but they enhanced my fears, putting on my mind ideas in my mind instead of offering me concrete solutions, being skeptical about late night encounters to drink. (I think he wanted me to go out with him since he has seen me i was there. But i didnt really think to wait for him to finish his work and then going out, what did i do for 2 hours alone? XD)
He's physically cute and offered me something before, (some small gifts)! it's just his temper that kinda have made me feel uhm submissive, I may get to know him better. Like, he makes me feel wrong, from the start... But almost everyone is like this so i cant complain. He was nice after all, and it is me to learn how to stand up for myself without getting confused by feelings. When i say something, he makes me look like i said something silly. And he makes me feel with little choice! Like... He wants to do the man part. That's what blocked me I think!!
You're damn right about the "it's not ur fault if u don't feel comfortable"! Still now I feel a bit discouraged and shaky.
I wished I could have found a solution before... Maybe like starting being outspoken as him xD so maybe he gets it.
Still I have got the problem of the public transportation at night, I should have made it clear before. Because I really doubt he wants to stay only one hour with me.

Well if he doesn't write to me today, he lost me...and this makes me feel sad.
If he does tomorrow, i will have to call taxi just to make all in his plans.
In both cases:wow xD next one?
But i feel like i should have been clearer (i think there is also the difference of language who doesn't help though) and he could have done something to compromise. He knew how to find me.
I don't really know why I'm so awkward to not feel motivated with guys, i fear the "planning part". Better let go of control issues.

Funny thing is that the horoscope is saying that this week I'd have learnt how to be respect and love myself xD
 
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CheersC

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How will things in the future go?
34.5.6
34.5 lose the goat. I will lose him without regret...
34.6 things should improve by themselves, cuz the goat is stuck.

Were things good this way( or wasn't I able to catch the opportunities)?
2.5.6
Oh gosh. Line 5= the slip is yellow. Hmm yellow is genuine trust. Line 6= dragons fight outside the walls. Blood is black and yellow. Seems like one of the two shows a pettier temper, and conflict comes
 
D

diamanda

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Should I accept to drink something with this guy? 56.5 > 30
Yes if you want a one-night-stand (this is one of the most common casts for that). But from your behaviour towards him, you didn't really want that. Once he understood you won't do that, he simply didn't contact you.

drinking a tea or something. He yelled at me when I mentioned this ... his temper that kinda have made me feel uhm submissive ... he makes me feel wrong, from the start... But almost everyone is like this so i cant complain ... When i say something, he makes me look like i said something silly. And he makes me feel with little choice! ... now I feel a bit discouraged and shaky
You are describing abusive, controlling, disordered behaviour. If 'almost everyone' is like this in your life, that doesn't make it right and yes you can complain, and you certainly don't have to submit to such bullies. Please try to see a therapist if you can, you seem to have a persisting issue with accepting unacceptable behaviours from others.
 

CheersC

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Should I accept to drink something with this guy? 56.5 > 30
Yes if you want a one-night-stand (this is one of the most common casts for that). But from your behaviour towards him, you didn't really want that. Once he understood you won't do that, he simply didn't contact you.


You are describing abusive, controlling, disordered behaviour. If 'almost everyone' is like this in your life, that doesn't make it right and yes you can complain, and you certainly don't have to submit to such bullies. Please try to see a therapist if you can, you seem to have a persisting issue with accepting unacceptable behaviours from others.
Uhm, the readings were better before!! How can that be it said I shouldn't worry.
Ahahah, a therapist what for, no need. For now I cope well and overanalyze on my own lol. A date was needed instead, to understand definitely if it was a person to see or to let go. Incredibile u said it's a bully and I should seek support, generically talking, because on the other side the other people minimize, say I'm too guarded & tend to see the bad instead! Which is not true but, so opposite viewso_O Well, I hope neither the help or the "accepting attitude" are needed cuz I even took my time to understand him and I'm not harmed by this so far. Perhaps more by the fact of ignoring the inner feelings Mandar talked about, on purpose, just because if I did react I would be defined a problem seeker xD yeah it's full of people like that, what can I do if they see me gentle and silent and think I'm easy to tease, or to bring to bed, I don't even know if to define it bully, but I realized It happens because me as many people tend to ignore our inner signals while we explore our mixed feelings and we need the clarity first, that's why a date is necessary. But think that people around me gave me the opposite impressions of yours on this situation!! They said to see how it goes first since the attraction was there, they told me to not take it seriously, and to tolerate his way of speaking because he had other positive sides other guys never had and because if i want a relationship I have to accept the personality and not get mad xD of course I didn't follow these advices either. I'm just feeling sad because I had the curiosity to put myself out there, but now you read the casting this way that makes me think I was correct on my emotions and shouldn't stress over that, if i was unsure about my choices before, then I'm slightly changing my mind about it, and I did the right choices for myself (and for my wellbeing). I'm still putting together the pieces of the puzzles, that's why I needed to get to know him better (but yeah, I also can't deny there good and bad sides as: not compromising, insisting to see me after the job, the comment about me that i should ask my parents to buy me a better camera - that hurted xD). But im still not too much sure, because I wonder if I acted differently if he was still kind or not. It is easy to not find compatible personalities or to misunderstand eachother, I know. I think it's part of the process of getting to know different worlds before. I respect u but don't be mad at this, it is easy to give others advice when mixed feelings are there and all is happening so fast. Everybody has its faults. He gave me different vibes from the start and I tried to evaluate what was best for me to do.
I'm analyzing the situation already a lot... And yes i met many men with that loud temper (and with some power struggles), I guess they are attracted but my dreamy side, but I'm not like that in the end,because I tend to be submissive and tolerate just not to fight, until this pushes me to limits, and it often happens I don't let them after a while but I look like the mean one and it's easy to say u looked for that situation xD.
I was just considering if to take distances from him without giving it a try (which will happen) or to give him a chance to make a decision and see if this can't work. As Mandarin said, it's not me the cause of feeling of uncomfortable but the interaction, though I took my time to see if I was just oversensitive or he was acting a bit sly with me xD! . For a while he looked better than everyone else, so I gave him an opportunity, not forgetting the signals, the effects on my emotional side, of his way of speaking etc xD.

I wasn't 100% sure if it might be a one night stand,because he looked interested and he recognized me everywhere. He remembered a lot of things about my choices. I thought that almost everyone when changes country wants to find someone to stay with from time to time. That never happened to me because I don't travel much, but that's quite sad for some people and okay to others. Ah I never said I wasn't into a night stand, but that I was feeling uncomfortable with that. Well, it's over now, I'm a bit sad because it was indeed something new to experience (for me) that leaves me unclear on the future... Because it started nice and then i noticed the signals of feeling wrong, when I wasn't... but if this made me uncomfortable I can't stress over that too much,that's true.
For the rest, don't blame on me the fact I'm not meeting the desired man, I'm already in a very pessimistic phase on the future and people around gaslight already all the wayXD i shouldn't tell ppl about my stuuuufff.
For the accepting attitude, I repeat to myself already "next time will be different". XD I'm pushing towards a different me, but i can't change my nature, I can just be more straightforward. Well he didn't "bully" in that way... He knows how to stop but i feel like I opened my eyes. I wanted to date him, just to see how it goes, because then he will leave me anyways.
So far I imposed myself too, my friend couldn't believe I did all without alcohol xD (because usually the people meet during those alcohol situations).

I'm taking it as a training!! eheh

Let's see now if he writes to see eachother or if it's over, just like this. In any case, yes, the therapist gotta be an hot one after this relationship!!

See u soon with the updates.
 
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diamanda

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CC thanks for writing your thoughts so analytically. Of course you're at a young age, where you need experiences, to keep learning. I didn't mean you 'need' a therapist in a negative manner, I said it in the spirit of getting support to create a stronger belief in yourself - then again, it's so difficult to find a decent, deep-thinking therapist, some of them do more damage than good. So, please feel free to completely ignore that advice 🌷

I agree that it's good to give people a chance, to go on dates so that you meet the other person better, and so on. But I totally disagree that you need to tolerate intimidating behaviour (or covertly intimidating behaviour), by anyone. Please re-read these worrying points:
  • on the other side the other people minimize, say I'm too guarded
  • if I did react I would be defined a problem seeker
  • they see me gentle and silent and think I'm easy to tease, or to bring to bed
  • to tolerate his way of speaking because he had other positive sides
  • if i want a relationship I have to accept the personality and not get mad
  • insisting to see me after the job
  • the comment about me that i should ask my parents to buy me a better camera
  • i met many men with that loud temper (and with some power struggles)
  • I tend to be submissive and tolerate just not to fight, until this pushes me to limits
  • but I look like the mean one
  • to see if I was just oversensitive
  • it started nice and then i noticed the signals of feeling wrong
 

CheersC

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CC thanks for writing your thoughts so analytically. Of course you're at a young age, where you need experiences, to keep learning. I didn't mean you 'need' a therapist in a negative manner, I said it in the spirit of getting support to create a stronger belief in yourself - then again, it's so difficult to find a decent, deep-thinking therapist, some of them do more damage than good. So, please feel free to completely ignore that advice 🌷

I agree that it's good to give people a chance, to go on dates so that you meet the other person better, and so on. But I totally disagree that you need to tolerate intimidating behaviour (or covertly intimidating behaviour), by anyone. Please re-read these worrying points:
  • on the other side the other people minimize, say I'm too guarded
  • if I did react I would be defined a problem seeker
  • they see me gentle and silent and think I'm easy to tease, or to bring to bed
  • to tolerate his way of speaking because he had other positive sides
  • if i want a relationship I have to accept the personality and not get mad
  • insisting to see me after the job
  • the comment about me that i should ask my parents to buy me a better camera
  • i met many men with that loud temper (and with some power struggles)
  • I tend to be submissive and tolerate just not to fight, until this pushes me to limits
  • but I look like the mean one
  • to see if I was just oversensitive
  • it started nice and then i noticed the signals of feeling wrong
Yup.
I've been through situations for a long time in the past, outside and at home, where outside power struggles interfered with me being authentic, for example for a long time ur labeled as mean those rare times u are outspoken or just make things clear to defend urself... To be sincere, I have always been around people (outside and at home) who kinda often stepped my boundaries. Stepped my boundaries, provocated reactions or passivity and labelled me,without showing respect.
And it is still happens even if I answer back. Even if I am blunt. But the others can, instead.
To many people I am just mysterious, until they know me and get easily things from me. Lol.
I cant deny this left me still now a negative scar in myself... I try to analyze to react... But I feel like being spontaneous will be always under a check from the outside.

In love matters... Of course guys find you attractive but when they see you are not as easy as them they leave. Obviously. Sometimes they insist but they have their circis around anyways.


I hope the post will be useful to someone who's just too good but also sick of being always the patient & condescending one.

Btw, the guy didn't write to me. Calling me darling, honey, asking me out since last week, and then...
 
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CheersC

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I went there but he wasn't there. I didn't ask when he came.... I left.
Do u think it's right?
Should i have sked or written to him?
His bro was cold. He asked me how i was after i waved at him, otherwise he wouldn't have talked to me.ii tried to talk but he was grumpy. Not even a wish for xmas.
I don't know...
These travellers are so detached...
 

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CheersC,

If you do not begin to set standards for yourself regarding what you will except from men, then you will be miserable for the rest of your life. You'll be used and abused again and again, and you will be the accomplice.

And take this from a former bartender (m.e.):
Meeting new people, looking for relationships while under the influence of alcohol is the absolute worst way to do it! You need your judgement to be unimpaired in order to see the other persons character clearly.
 

CheersC

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I wrote to him I was there to wish them merry Xmas but I didn't see him xD
I had the feeling to say it and now i feel better. By tomorrow I hope I will be able to focus on my life as before, and get new opportunities....here. But... Somehow i feel shaky for missing this opportunity just because of NONSENSE ANXIETY.
 
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diamanda

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I wrote to him I was there to wish them merry Xmas but I didn't see him xD
I had the feeling to say it and now i feel better. By tomorrow I hope I will be able to focus on my life as before, and get new opportunities....here. But... Somehow i feel shaky for missing this opportunity just because of NONSENSE ANXIETY.
What opportunity..? The guy wasn't interested, he only wanted casual sex. You feel shaky because he rejected you.
 

CheersC

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CheersC,

If you do not begin to set standards for yourself regarding what you will except from men, then you will be miserable for the rest of your life. You'll be used and abused again and again, and you will be the accomplice.

And take this from a former bartender (m.e.):
Meeting new people, looking for relationships while under the influence of alcohol is the absolute worst way to do it! You need your judgement to be unimpaired in order to see the other persons character clearly.
Correct concept to remember. In general it's true, with men there may be also the opposite problem, I set too many standards for physical contact but less for temper/respect or call it confidence, but this happens with women also.
Luckily I don't abuse alcohol for relationships, as I said, my problem is to be too much in control of myself and a little alcohol may help xD. I might sometimes drink a little bit of it just to get loose.
Well, it's up to the person anyways, unluckily many use it to be the excuse of doing things they wouldn't do sober.
Hello CheersC,

a nice reading!

56.5 is comforting. This line is just the heart of the upper firy trigram. And the reading relates to 33, withdrawing, which is also withdrawing light - the afternoon maybe, or the evening?

58 unchanged is not such a clear answer. As a person, it is the younger sister. All about joy and communication … but maybe it is you, the communicating person? As an answer, it might not say much more than: just enjoy?

And 31.4., no worries.

All the best!

Mandarine_23
I wished I followed the line xD in my head I had plans to meet him, make pictures together and wish him good festivities. But... Except for the huge uncomfortable feelings and the fact I dont trust people easily, being forced to give up to hang out with a guy because I haven't got transports at night, bites. And it still hurts having given away for this reason.
I wished I had a car or a friend who would have covered me up just for an evening. They all meet at night with guys so they don't understand the fact of giving away and imposing oneself to wait.

I don't forgive him for not finding a compromise though - I bet his brother or someone would have made him the favor to give him a break or a free day.
 
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CheersC

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He didn't even tell me merry Christmas!!!!!!!!! o_O Neither an answer... What did he read the message for......
 
D

diamanda

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Please analyse - why do you believe that he should say merry Christmas, and why do you believe that he should answer?
 

CheersC

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Please analyse - why do you believe that he should say merry Christmas, and why do you believe that he should answer?
Yup this is why:
-Because he should ! XD at least for being well-behaved... it takes only a second to say even something short like ''I am in the airplane''
- I was not a random "customer"
-he has Got my social media
-he saw me a lot of times on his workplace ahah
- i would xD
-for the job he has got he should say that at least to be kind
-kindness at least
-it was its last day there
-he saw my mom too
-it's xmas time, and he wouldn't have seen me again, how can that not come to his mind?????????!!!!

Now the minor but important reasons of writing to me:
-gosh, we met in October, he looked genuinely surprised and delighted when he saw me with my mom
-he asked 10 days before his departure to see me to drink something, didn't he write to me because I gave him unclear signals? Or because he had found someone to replace me?
Wasn't i hot enough? Lol
- everytime he saw me with a friend he asked me for number, i refused, he asked to see me, i told him "cant we do in the afternoon? 15 minutes? A coffee or something" he said he couldn't leave the job
He asked me a lott of times "when are u coming again??"

It looked like he really wanted... But... He didn't write.
-Maybe he was scared i ignored him??
-wtf i told him 'i was there to wish u merry xmas but u wasn't there "he didn't fking reply but he WAS SUPPOSED to reply. At least for kindness.
-his family and colleagues saw me xD his brother was cold and distant with me. Could it be he interfered?
- the woman there smiled and told me hi but even knowing me she didn't tell me anything either.


Now... Even unknown ppl i randomly meet on the road tell u merry xmas... A person u know doesn't even think about it, and ignores ur message?

I don't know.
Probably he didn't want to say why he wasn't there.

Because : he told me "u just come im here all day!!" but i came twice and he wasn't there (he had a break i think)
 
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CheersC

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Oh lol i even expected a gift because he did made a gift before in October when i gave him my social media.
I was just what the...
Ahahhahahahahahhahahaha

Sorry, i told my friend about it and she was like : thumbs down.
 
D

diamanda

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Love it! a very accurate analysis, full on!

So in short, he should reply merry xmas to you, because:
- you wished him, and it's 100% normal for anyone to wish back to you
- he has showed interest in you many times before

Two more questions:
Why didn't he do the normal thing, to simply return your wishes?
Why did his words keep showing interest to you, but his actions were totally different to his words?
 

CheersC

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IF I didn't come he would have not told me to get a drink cuz he didn't consider to write. Fear of rejection...?
I hope it's not because i had accepted 1 month later his request xd accepting his coworker first.
 
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