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What makes a person a bully? Reading: Hex 18: 1.2.4 <> Hex 30

my_key

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We have been witness to many forms of abusive behaviour over recent months, in all sorts of shapes and sizes albeit individual, organisational or governmental. Recent events in my life highlighted to me Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s validation of his second in command Pritti Patel’s bullying across 3 government departments. An independent report found that the “Prittster” had broken the ministerial code. Boris deemed her acts of bullying to be ‘unintentional’ and is standing by her so she currently remains as Home Secretary. She has apologised for 'upsetting people' without declaring that she saw her actions as bullying.

This sparked me to reflect on bullying in general and what happens in the formation of a person tobring about such behaviours. I have seen and experienced bullying in many ways and I’m certain that my sister will be able to recount stories of me bullying her in our younger years – sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.

It’s important to remember here that the behaviours of the bully are a defence mechanism for them helping them to survive. Unfortunately their self-defence behaviours can have massive impact on the lives of others.

So approaching this matter from a general and personal place of curiosity I asked:

What makes a person a bully? Reading: Hex 18: 1.2.4 <> Hex 30

A bully is forged in the flames of attachment. An internal emptiness is created and radiates outwards into their outer world (30) where as if they have been invisibly poisoned they mindlessly play out worn out conventions in an attempt to reduce the unhappiness they feel. Their actions are played in an attempt to give their life meaning (18).

They believe their life has been spoiled by things that have previously gone wrong in their environment or through their historical bad choices. These together have resulted in their current habits and attitudes. At the root of their predicament they carry an ‘inheritance’ of ‘the rules’ from their past, a burden, which they fail to take ownership of, choosing rather to lay blame on their forefathers or parents or other external circumstances (18.1). Coupled with this, at the centre of their inner being, there exists a lack of nurturing, nourishment and a sense of safety. This restricts a mature individual with good habits, attitudes and behaviours from becoming fully developed (18.2).

They may not see, or be able to see, the deeper truth of their situation having become too enfeebled by all that has gone before. They are unable to honestly face how rotten things have become in their world, so turn away. This provides no escape for them. The horrors of their inner world are all they know so they remain clinging to these. Their inner emptiness builds and all they are able to do is live in hope that it will all sort itself out somehow. Not having the courage to own their predicament in their inner world their brightness becomes warped and they vent their hurt and pain when it becomes too much, projecting it onto others in their outer world (18.4).

With Hex 54 The Marrying Maiden as the nuclear of Hex 18 what is behind the making of a bully is the creation of a world where they have accepted a relationship where they will always come out second i.e. they have chosen disempowerment – an inescapable world in which they believe nothing they do will be beneficial to them. That is, until they recognise the imperfections in everything they have ever known. With this they recognise the destructiveness of all they are collaborating with. Once seeing this they may start to move beyond their fears, pains and hurts bringing their own inner turmoil to an end.

……. of course it may mean nothing like this for you.

However, I was astonished to see how well these words produced a psychological profile of the experiences that go into forming a bully.


I would be really interested to read any other background comments or different interpretations of this cast.



Good Luck
 

rosada

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Good questions as we look to the possibilities of healing divisions with a new president. What do you make of the resulting hexagram 30? I worry that the example set by the current administration will embolden the opposition to take on bullying tactics of their own. Many, myself included, have mocked the MAGAs with impunity, feeling that such “deplorables” didn’t rate any show of civility. Will we be able to now resist becoming bullies ourselves?
 

moss elk

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My_key,
The reading seems pretty clear to me.
Rotten mother + rotten father + the offspring bully carrying on acting like the rotten father.
Rottenness (18), Radiated (30)

So, learned, inherited rotten behaviour that spreads around.
The sapling bent into Knotted wood.

I have a lot of experience with bullies,
And with their undoings.
(I'm not exaggerating)
First off, They only kick 'down' at those that they think are weaker than them,
And when they think can get away with it.
That predatorial aggressiveness and desire to dominate is often just one of many faults,
Ie: Jealousy is very common, often a disdain for law/authority in general..etc

Bullies succeeed when good people cower from them,
afraid to do anything to stick up for themselves,
And who might rationalize such inaction as somehow virtuous.
(Hint: It is only correct when survival truly is at stake, then it is smart ala 36.)

Bullies, learn like everyone else: only when they face consequences that force them
to modify their behaviour.
They must be confronted.
(Because you cannot appeal to an empathy that has not yet been developed... look at the current u.s. president for example.)
That is best done by authority figures, or by normal people with courage.
When both bully and victim are within a hierarchy of some sort,
with bully occupying a higher wrung, this is the worst scenario,
because they are emboldened while the subordinate is abused.
This is what makes it so Bad when cops are bad: they increase the sum total of violence in society, by making the criminals even worse.

As a child, I was bullied from the ages of 8 to 11.
My bully was... not your average one at first glance, but surely had some underlying similarities.
His name was Teddy. He was a small-framed child who cleverly discovered that he had the ability
to redirect the anger of the bigger typical bully type kids (little brothers of gang members) away from him and to any target he chose. (As long as they got to rage and be violent with anyone,
It really didn't matter much who the victim was, it was their sport.) He chose me, thereby saving himself.
So, for three years, I was the subject of oh... lets average it at thrice weekly severe beatings by groups
of 3-7 boys. I learned to outlast them,
I didn't know how to fight then (nor had the wish to hurt anyone, still don't), so just became the anvil to their hammers.
(Their arms and legs would tire out before my will did)
After three years of this, with zero help from school administrators,
I felt nearly broken: I had to do something. So, one day most of the bad kids had been detained inside
and I ran into Teddy, alone for the first time.
I confonted him, and for the first time in my life, fought back, punching him once.
He fell badly on his face and lost several teeth from hitting the ground.
He and the other 6 bullies never attacked me, or others there at school, again.
Let that sink in.

As an adult, I began to study martial arts in order to protect myself and others,
and have found myself now working in security.
I have gotten a few bully managers fired from their positions.
Such people should never be allowed to be in a position of authority.

And if a bully shows remorse,
show them mercy and embrace them with all of your heart.

Well, there's my two cents, for what it's worth.
 
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my_key

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Good questions as we look to the possibilities of healing divisions with a new president. What do you make of the resulting hexagram 30? I worry that the example set by the current administration will embolden the opposition to take on bullying tactics of their own. Many, myself included, have mocked the MAGAs with impunity, feeling that such “deplorables” didn’t rate any show of civility. Will we be able to now resist becoming bullies ourselves?
Hexagram 30, as I mentioned before, I see as a context. A situational aspect of the bully's formulation.

According to Wilhelm
"The trigram Li means 'to cling to something', 'to be conditioned', 'to depend or rest on something' and also "brightness."
On-line translations omit the middle two definitions, however in the case of the bully their early life conditioning ('the rules' passed down from the parents, and the fears and threats formed in their un-safe nurturing space) becomes something that they depend on or rest on. It becomes the the nature of the world that they inhabit.

Again Wilhelm's words
The Creative has incorporated the central line of the Receptive, and thus Li develops. As an image, it is fire. Fire has no definite form but clings to the burning object and thus is bright. As water pours down from heaven, so fire flames up from the earth. While K'an means the soul shut within the body, Li stands for nature in its radiance.

Li represents the Creative being infiltrated by the Receptive. Dark infiltrates the light and with it the innocence and purity has been spoiled. Fire has no preference towards how it shines, it just clings on for dear life and shines. It does not judge whether the object on which it burns is a silk purse or a sow's ears it's nature is just to radiate the essence of that which it is clinging to.

You raise an important point, as to whether we can resist becoming bullies ourselves. I believe there is a spectrum of bullying. At one end are those that operate without awareness and from a place of deep childhood wounding: the serial bully if you like. At the other there is the bully who comes out to play when life circumstances have triggered them to do so. This is a function of their conditioning. Old threats, fears have been triggered or old rules in their mind violated. The difference here may be the awareness to recognise that a part of us has a tendancy to be a bully.

If you are not aware that you are a bully, there is no discernment and you are just being you - no blame. Can you blame a tiger for being a tiger? Awareness brings with it a degree of differentiation and a space for personal power to expand and to influence our inner and outer worlds through the choices we make. The old Cherokee parable of the two wolves - one light, one dark - that live within each of us comes to mind in response to your question of becoming bullies ourselves. The choices we make as to which one to feed, in any moment, is a decision unique within each individual, shaped by the truths that are clinged to most.

....of course it may be nothing like like this at all.

Good Luck
 
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my_key

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Well, there's my two cents, for what it's worth.
The sharing of your truth is worth a darn site more than two cents. Thank you.
I can really feel the pain in your words of the young boy who had to suffer the daily pain and the inner and outer turmoil of the abusive behaviour and the struggle of his gradual progess towards regaining power.

The sapling bent into Knotted wood.
Such an evocative image !!
They only kick 'down' at those that they think are weaker than them,
And when they think can get away with it.
That predatorial aggressiveness and desire to dominate is often just one of many faults,
Ie: Jealousy is very common, often a disdain for law/authority in general..etc
I would agree. Bullies are fundamently disempowered souls who like to regain an illusion of power by putting others down. A kind of defensive mentality that says 'However disempowered I may be I'm going to make sure there is at least one person below me in the pile. Lording over or belittling another gives me at least a small sense of power and that all is well in the garden.'
Bullies succeeed when good people cower from them,
afraid to do anything to stick up for themselves,
And who might rationalize such inaction as somehow virtuous.
(Hint: It is only correct when survival truly is at stake, then it is smart ala 36.)
Yes. When their behaviour is given any semblance of creedance they become inflated. They feel empowered and so will look to repeat that bullying action. The thing is, the threats they see that they want to protect themselves from are rarely true threats. Survival of the truths that they have invested so heavily in over their lives is important for them though as without these truths ( the truths of their conditioning) what else does their world hold for them.
Bullies, learn like everyone else: only when they face consequences that force them
to modify their behaviour.
They must be confronted.
(Because you cannot appeal to an empathy that has not yet been developed... look at the current u.s. president for example.)
That is best done by authority figures, or by normal people with courage.
When both bully and victim are within a hierarchy of some sort,
with bully occupying a higher wrung, this is the worst scenario,
because they are emboldened while the subordinate is abused.
This is what makes it so Bad when cops are bad: they increase the sum total of violence in society, by making the criminals even worse.
I think it can be a bit more complicated than that, but generally bullies are not blessed with high empathy. As you say, the development of it was most likely curtailed when they were a sapling.
As a consequence they are limited in humanity.

It is important to confront bullies and I'd agree that as their respect for others has been twisted at some point the best person to confront them is a person that they have developed a respect for. Approaches by others ('normal people') are not usually taken well and as you say usually requires of that person an extra portion of courage to overcome their fear of the bully - or the fear of his cohorts.

Bullies, in my experience, do have a way of inveigling themselves into positions of authority or pseudo-authority. Occupying a higher rung does make bullying easier. The bully can be swelled by the power of the position, even to a point of feeling indestructable or untouchable e.g. Pritti Patel or your own favourite Mr T Rump and the 'bad cops'. Power corrupts. Absolute power correpts absolutely.
As a child, I was bullied from the ages of 8 to 11.
My bully was... not your average one at first glance, but surely had some underlying similarities.
His name was Teddy. He was a small-framed child who cleverly discovered that he had the ability
to redirect the anger of the bigger typical bully type kids (little brothers of gang members) away from him and to any target he chose. (As long as they got to rage and be violent with anyone,
It really didn't matter much who the victim was, it was their sport.) He chose me, thereby saving himself.
So, for three years, I was the subject of oh... lets average it at thrice weekly severe beatings by groups
of 3-7 boys. I learned to outlast them,
I didn't know how to fight then (nor had the wish to hurt anyone, still don't), so just became the anvil to their hammers.
(Their arms and legs would tire out before my will did)
After three years of this, with zero help from school administrators,
I felt nearly broken: I had to do something. So, one day most of the bad kids had been detained inside
and I ran into Teddy, alone for the first time.
I confonted him, and for the first time in my life, fought back, punching him once.
He fell badly on his face and lost several teeth from hitting the ground.
He and the other 6 bullies never attacked me, or others there at school, again.
Let that sink in.

As an adult, I began to study martial arts in order to protect myself and others,
and have found myself now working in security.
I have gotten a few bully managers fired from their positions.
Such people should never be allowed to be in a position of authority.
It's a tough road that you have travelled. The characteristics embued in Sage Warriors who can see beyond the illusion do not come cheaply, neither are they10 a penny. It warms my heart to have heard just a small part of your story and the victories you have achieved.
And if a bully shows remorse,
show them mercy and embrace them with all of your heart.
Absolutely. Bullies are forged in the flames. How they behave is not who they are. Mercy is what they have been seeking yet have been unable to find. When they do find and show remorse and regret then that is something to be celebrated.
As that old British playwrite wrote back in the day:
The quality of mercy is not strain'd.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The thronèd monarch better than his crown.

Good Luck
 
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my_key

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There is a parallel thread about victims that I thought I'd link in here for posterity
 

steve

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Hi All

Been a while for me here posting,

Specifically, I believe Yi is accurate as usual, many bullies are victims themselves. In essence, this is what they have been taught on how to engage with weaker people.

Sins of the father/mother or the sins of an authoritative or larger person. Many serial killers are bullies, for example torturing animals. Many of them were actually bullied themselves in one way or another.

Lines four and two seem clear to me.

Line one again focuses on the faults of the father and advises to rectify a situation. Most likely before it's passed on in this case. Or the oracle is stating this mistake was never fixed.

I have just noticed that line one is more serious in the correction as opposed to line three.

Steve
 

my_key

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Sins of the father/mother or the sins of an authoritative or larger person. Many serial killers are bullies, for example torturing animals. Many of them were actually bullied themselves in one way or another.
Good point. The etymology of 'sin' stems from earlier meanings of guilt. So the way bullies were treated could stem from the guilt being carried by their mother, father, or other authority figures.
I have just noticed that line one is more serious in the correction as opposed to line three.
Although line 3 doen't appear in the reading here. If you are talking generally about line 3 vs line 1 in the hexagram, I would agree. Line 1 I think has deeper ancestral connotations too - 'rigid adherance to tradition has resulted in decay' and indicates things being passed from generation to generation. Additionally, in Line 1 the son has taken on the ownership for working on what has been spoiled. Line 3 in Wilhelm's eyes only means that there is an occasional effort to 'set right what has been spoiled by the father' ( Wilhelm).

Good Luck
 

my_key

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Another one on the theme of bullying for those who may be interested:
 

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